Music Sheet (Episode 6) Chapter 6 ~ Hannah (POV) Savannah jumps off of the bed and that wakes the little ginger ball of fur next to my legs. Hope meows and stirs, remembering I’m next to her so she climbs onto my lap and gets comfortable again to keep sleeping. I ruffle her fur with a smile on my lips. Having her makes me so happy and it gives me hope that as I let her be a part of my life, I can do that with people as well. HARRY (POV) “Oh my gods, may I hug you?” Moni asks, and the shock is not only on Hannah’s face, but also on mine. Savannah on the other hand seems amused, but it’s clear the ginger girl doesn’t know what to do in a situation like this. I’m sure Moni remembers that Hannah is not good with people, she doesn’t have any friends besides Savannah! We go to the arcade and it feels so different and new. Moni is with Ed, I’m with Hannah and Savannah looks completely fine. I… I don’t feel like a third wheel anymore, I feel like I have someone with me this time, someone that looks at me when things get uncomfortable for her. I’m not exactly on a date with Hannah, but it feels almost as if we were. HANNAH (POV) I’ve been avoiding Harry again. But this time it’s not entirely purposeful, I’ve been really busy in Uni and even more now that Max’s father has asked us to play again for Easter. I’m really happy that kids in his school liked what we did that much, and this certainly will look great in my CV. That’s why after classes I normally stay with Max and Stanley to practice and later I go to the shop to help Dad a bit. I don’t have much free time now to spend with Harry and I know he’s been very busy as well. Against all my own prejudices, I’ve been watching the gossip shows, just to know his whereabouts. “Oh, sure,” I answer taking my violin to start the introduction of the song we’re working on. HARRY (POV) I cannot help it, fury burns in my veins when I see him hugging her the way I hug her. And it’s even worse when she accepts to go on a date with him. Jealousy is eating me from the inside and I clench my fists so tight my nails sink into my flesh leaving marks on my skin. The performance was incredible, seeing her like that took my breath away, but then this guy hugged her like that and I saw red. “Ugh!” I groan, grabbing my head. I don’t know whether to give up after this or keep my hopes up. I can’t exactly predict how she is going to act but after kissing her, after finally tasted those lips I can’t give her up. Hello guys..how are you all again?? .
“I can’t believe today is the day!” Savannah sings as she waltzes around my room, clearly overly excited. I giggle from my bed where I’m seated with my legs crossed as I brush my hair distractedly.
Today is Ed Sheeran’s gig, the one which we have VIP passes for and where we will meet with Harry. I haven’t seen him in a few days, mostly because I went back to classes and he is working hard on the third album.
And because I’m a coward.
Every time he calls me, I come up with a lame excuse. I say I have something to do, for a class or anything else. I’ve even told him I have to practice with Max for another presentation. The one we did before Christmas for his father’s school was a total success, but we are not booked to do another one yet. It’s just that… It’s really easy to be around Harry, and every day it gets easier, but at the same time difficult. I feel things that I don’t normally feel, things I forgot I could feel. I find myself wishing for things I shouldn’t want. He turns my world upside-down, but at the same time he brings order. All of it is so confusing and I can’t take that much so often. That is why I’ve refused to go out with him though he has asked me to.
Harry has helped me enormously, Savannah, Dad and even Sheila have pointed that out. They say I smile more often, that I seem happier and that I’m more sociable. I still miss my mum, every day and it’s still hard, and I know I’m not only doing this for myself, but also for her. I want to show her that I can move on with my life, that I can live it even if she is not here with me. I’m not that weak, I can do it even if it is hard. And it bl**dy is. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Opening up to people is not easy after you’ve shut them out for so long.
“I’m scared I’m gonna say something stupid when we meet Ed,” I confess and Savannah turns around to look at me with a goofy smile.
“I wouldn’t worry about that. You should be worry that I may jump on him and kidnap him. I hope you’ll pay the bail when I’m sent to prison.” I laugh at her and soon she jumps on my bed, next to me. “I swear, if Harry weren’t yours, I would totally kiss him. I can’t believe he did this for us.”
“Harry is not mine!” I protest scandalised but my friend only laughs. “I’m being serious!”
“Sure, whatever you say, but you and I both know he’s crazy about you.” I look away because I can’t actually deny that. Harry has made sure that I know how he feels about me. He has told me a couple of times that it’s not his goal to be only my friend, though that’s all I can offer him.
I don’t understand him. I’m barely friend material and he thinks I could be his girlfriend? Impossible! I know I’m working on going back to the girl I was, but let’s be honest: I’ll never be the same girl. I can mend my broken soul, I can heal, but I’ll never be the same. All this has changed me forever. I can’t be anyone’s girlfriend. Not yet, not even remotely soon.
“Plus, I know you, Hannah. I’ve known you forever and I see the difference in your eyes when you talk about him. And truth be told, there’s a reason why he could reach you like no one else did. I don’t think it’s good for you to keep denying that.”
“But you can’t forget that I’m still working on this. I can’t be thinking of a relationship when I can barely consider him my friend,” I refute and she sighs deeply, knowing I’m speaking the truth. “Let’s forget about this for now and just get ready for the gig. I can’t wait to see Ed live again. It has been so long.”
I look down, remembering the last time I went to Ed Sheeran’s gig, for the iTunes Festival, the same day my mum died. Going to his concert gives me this bittersweet feeling, but I guess it’s important that I go, it will show that I can carry on with my life, living those experiences that will remind me of the moment I lost my mother even if it hurts.
* * *
After a while, we are finally in the venue, waiting for the gig to start and Harry hasn’t arrived yet. He sent me a text before that said we will show up right before the show starts, just to keep things smoother. I wonder if he is with Ed right now. I’m so nervous because after this gig we will meet him and I don’t want to make a fool of myself.
It’s ten before the show and my phone buzzes in my hand, so I raise it and see Harry’s picture on my screen, one where he is smiling brightly, his dimples showing off as his curls fall loosely over his forehead. Without helping myself, I answer with a smile on my lips.
“I’m on my way!” He exclaims and I think I hear him running. “Where are you? In your seats?”
“Yes, we haven’t move. Can you really make it? This place is crowded,” I reply and I tell myself I’m not disappointed that he may not join us.
“Please, have a little faith,” he says but I realise I hear that not only on my phone. I turn to my right and there he is, with his hoodie up and his curls hidden in a beanie. His smile is wide and adorable as he lowers his phone to put it back in his pocket. “I’m here,” he says this time and I end the call as well.
My heart is beating strongly but I put myself together quickly. “Hi!” Savannah exclaims from behind and Harry looks at her for the first time since he appeared. I look away, breathing deeply just to recover from the effect of his smile and his eyes. “I’m so glad you made it. And thank you again!”
“My pleasure. Ed is about to come. I was with him right now,” he tells us and I nod, though I don’t know if he saw me as I’m not looking at him.
I hear the crowd getting louder when the lights dim and the screens start the countdown. I forget about everything, Harry, Savannah, the rest of the audience and I can only focus on the stage where my idol, my favourite artist will stand. My heart is beating so hard, adrenaline running in my veins and I can’t help myself, I scream along with everyone else when Ed appears on stage.
As he starts playing, I feel someone taking my hand and when I look at it, I see Harry’s hand grabbing mine, our fingers tangled already and instead of pulling back, I let him hold me like that during the whole gig.
When Ed leaves the stage, after an incredible gig that left me with my heart pounding like I’ve just ran a marathon, Savannah jumps on me hugging me so tightly and somehow she grabs Harry and pulls him into a group hug too. Soon, I’m a sandwich.
“That was so amazing! Even better than the last one we saw!” Savannah exclaims and I couldn’t agree more.
“And there’s more to come!” Harry tells us stepping back. “You have your passes, right?” We both nod. “Then follow me.”
We do as he instructs, managing to pass through the crowd that is leaving the venue. He clearly knows his way and with every step, I grow more nervous. Savannah is holding my hand and I’m grateful she is, otherwise I would be crying on the floor.
Harry shows his pass to a guard and tells him something and he nods, finally letting us pass. Then we are following the curly-haired boy through halls and stairs until we finally reach a door that says with big letters Ed Sheeran. He turns to look at us one more time, with a big and content smile before he turns the knob and opens the door.
I don’t know what to expect when we walk in, but certainly it’s not a girl laughing hysterically as Ed tickles her. We stop in our spots as we see how she screams and begs for mercy but the ginger boy doesn’t stop, he keeps torturing the girl until she sees us.
“Harry! Save me, Ed is trying to kill me!” She cries out reaching out to Harry but Ed tickles her again and she jerks in a very weird way, almost like in those Japanese movies.
Harry does nothing to help the girl, he only laughs, no matter what the girl says. But then Ed realises we are there too and stops, giving the brunette girl enough time to run away and hide behind Harry. She is my same height, with brown messy hair, pale skin, brown eyes, chubby cheeks and she is really curvy, dressed in dark colours and very simple clothes.
“You’d think he is nice and everything with that teddy bear look, but he is evil! Evil, I’m telling you!” the girl cries out and Harry laughs again.
“Come on, you’re just dramatizing, Moni,” Harry tells her and I open my eyes, recognising the name and finally putting a face to it. Harry has talked so much about her and his other friends; I never expected I would meet her too.
“That’s what you say! You’re not unhealthily ticklish!” Harry only shakes his head and pokes her side once, but this time she does not only jerk away, but hits Harry and very hard, considering the way he screamed and is rubbing his arm. “For being an idiot!”
“Oi! Why are you hitting me? You didn’t do that to Ed and he was killing you.”
“The perks of being the boyfriend,” Ed replies and Savannah and I gasp when we hear that. Girlfriend? Moni is Ed’s girlfriend?
As if our reactions reminded them of our presence there. Ed, Moni and Harry look at us; I notice Moni and Ed blush. “Uh, guys… These are–”
“Hannah and Savannah!” Moni exclaims excitedly and I step back, not sure how to react to her words.
“Yes,” Harry confirms and I see Ed approaching as Moni leaves his place behind Harry to look at us with big eyes and a ginormous smile. “Girls, well, you already know Ed. This one here” –he points at Moni– “is his girlfriend, Moni. I’ve told you about her, Hannah.”
I nod and try to smile “Nice to meet you,” Savannah and I say. By that moment, Ed is next to Moni passing his arm over her shoulders.
“I’m so excited I’ve finally got to meet you! Harry has talked a lot about you and I’m a huge fan of you,” that is directed to Savannah and I see my friend blushing. “Oh my gods, may I hug you?” She asks and I freeze.
What is she doing?!
“I’m sorry, it’s just that… I’ve heard so much about you and I love how you sing. You’re so talented! And you,” she looks at Savannah, “you’re just plain amazing and hilarious. Favourite youtuber without a doubt.” Savannah smiles flattered and that helps Hannah recover from the surprise the brunette caused her.
“Uh… I– I guess it’s okay,” Hannah mumbles looking at me, as if she needs my approval to say that. I’m more surprised now when I hear her response and I don’t know if Moni did this on purpose or she just couldn’t control herself, but she has made Hannah accept a hug from a complete stranger.
Moni squeals and steps closer to hug Hannah, but I notice she doesn’t crush her like she would’ve done in another situation, she is tender and careful and the embrace is short. Hannah still looks awkward but she smiles at the brunette and from the spark in her brown eyes I know she had this planned, she was just testing Hannah.
“You’re great and really talented,” Moni repeats, calmly this time. “But be careful with this one,” she motions to me and my eyes shoot wide open. I hear Ed chuckling and I glare at him. “He seems nice and innocent with those dimples, but he’s an idiot. But don’t worry, I’ll protect you, Hannah.” I gasp, not believing what Moni is doing.
“Oi! You’re not helping!” I protest but Hannah is giggling and Moni grins proud of herself. She is just trying to make the ginger girl feel more comfortable in her presence and she knows she can do it by making her laugh. Shame she can only do that at my expense.
In that moment Ed approaches, still chuckling at how Moni can’t talk nicely about me, even to Hannah. “So you sing, uh?” Ed asks passing his arm over Moni’s shoulder and looking at Hannah. She loses her smile and looks down, her cheeks burning.
She looks cute when she’s embarrassed.
“Yeah, a bit.” Savannah, Moni and I snort and she looks at us shocked, especially at me.
“She’s amazing. She could be a great singer but she wants to be a teacher,” I tell Ed and he nods. Hannah looks at me with a little smile that I know is because I don’t push her, I accept what she wants to be.
“That’s great. It’s a good way to share, helping others. I like it.” Hannah’s smile due to Ed’s words is so beautiful it makes me feel something inside, like my heart skipping a beat or something. Like something’s moved inside of me. “Oh, we’re going to the arcade with Moni. Would you like to come with us?”
Savannah is in immediately, looking really excited and Hannah glances at me, not seeming quite sure about it. I step closer to her and take her hand, squeezing it gently, trying to persuade her to go with us. I want her to be with more people, to have fun. That will help her.
She takes a deep sigh before nodding and squeezing my hand back before letting go. I don’t take her hand again because I know she won’t be comfortable with that in front of Savannah, Ed and Moni as well. I notice the brunette is looking at me, a curious and understanding look in her eyes. I know she is not only reading Hannah, trying to get as much information from her as possible but she’s also reading me.
I realise there, how much I like to have her next to me, playing against Ed and Moni, having fun with us. By the end of the night, I don’t want to say goodbye, but it’s already late, Ed is more than tired after the gig and the girls are exhausted as well. I know nothing lasts forever, even a great night like this one.
“Thank you so much for this,” Savannah tells me when I’m hugging her goodbye. “I can’t believe I just hung out with Ed Sheeran! Thank you!”
I chuckle and just nod as she steps aside and I can see Hannah now, looking at me with a shy smile as she steps closer. I approach too and we meet halfway, my smile growing with every centimetre we kill between each other.
“I had a great night. Thank you so much, Harry,” she tells me with her hands in her pockets. “This has been the best Christmas present I’ve ever had.”
“I thought you liked the target better,” I tease and she giggles in that way I love.
“That’s a close second place,” she answers joking along, and my smile grows wider. “But really, thank you. I’ll see you around.”
“Most definitely. I’ll call you. Good luck in Uni, maybe one day I can even come and see you practice. I’d really love to see you playing, not just in a video.”
She seems a bit reluctant, but I know she fights back her first answer. “Maybe one day you’ll see me.”
“And you can even teach me to play the piano!” I add gleefully, just trying and seeing how far I can get.
“That’s nice. I could see how good of a teacher I really am, right?” I smile like crazy, too damn happy that she agreed so easily to that.
“Then it’s a deal. I’ll see you, Hannah.” I put my hand on her waist and lean in to kiss her cheek the way I like, slowly and tenderly. Again, she shivers under my touch and I can’t help myself from grinning like a fool when I pull back. Her cheeks are burning and she must see that, because she turns away to say goodbye to Moni and Ed, as well.
She and Savannah leave and I stay there with the newest couple in my circle of friends. They seem so happy all the time and I wonder if one day I’ll get what they have as well. I always envied my friends somehow, for having long and serious relationships. Alex and Niall, Mila and Zayn, Eleanor and Louis, Danielle and Liam when they were still together, and now Ed and Moni. They all have what I want and now that things seem to be going so great between Hannah and I, the possibility seems so close, so real, which makes me want it so badly it hurts. I want what the lads have, but with Hannah. Just and only with her.
“You’re crazy about her, aren’t you?” I hear Moni breaking through my thoughts and just then I realise I’ve been staring at the direction that Savannah’s car disappeared.
“Yeah,” is my answer as I turn around and put my hands in my pockets. “Thank you for inviting her along,” I add looking at the couple and they both smile nodding.
“She’s really nice and so shy. She really has trouble getting along with people. She only seems comfortable around Savannah and you,” Moni comments and I nod.
“But she’s working on that. The fact that she accepted to go out with all of us is a huge step for her.”
“It is. I don’t think the Hannah you met months ago would’ve done this.” I nod in agreement. “Nor would she have accepted my hug.”
I smile. I knew she was testing her. Moni doesn’t do just things at random when it’s about something important.
“She looked at you the whole time, making sure you were nearby. She trusts you already.”
I feel so relieved at her words that confirm something that I’ve fought for long and hard. Hannah has not only opened up to me and let me in her life, she is now leaning on me as well, trusting me and I know we’ve progressed a lot. I just have to make her accept what she feels for me. I just need her to need me.
“But she seems so fragile,” the brunette carries on and Ed smiles in agreement. He also saw that.
“It seems like in any moment she will break down and run away. She’s working really hard and I admire her for that and I hope she doesn’t collapse. I’m telling you to be careful. She trusts in you already, but it seems like she could accept any excuse that would make her break that trust. Something that will make her say: ‘I shouldn’t have trusted him’. That’s why I’m telling you to be careful.”
I try to understand what my friend is telling me and I think I get her. It seems like Hannah will use anything, no matter how lame it is, that will allow herself to go back to her comfort zone.
“Hopefully, that won’t happen,” I say, really praying something like that won’t happen.
“Let’s hope so,” she agrees with a smile. “And I wish you luck, Harry. I see the way you look at her. It even makes me like you and not only for your cars. Plus, she got you to buy the Lexus. She is the perfect girl for you.” Ed laughs at his girlfriend’s words and I sigh, shaking my head.
It’s hopeless, even if Moni likes me, she will always find a way to mock me. I don’t think she will ever acknowledge that she really likes me. But I really consider her an important friend of mine. A weird friend, but one nonetheless. I’m happy she’s with Ed.
I honestly never thought they were going to end up together when we took Ed to help Zayn and I a long time ago. That only proves how things sometimes work in the most unexpected ways. I certainly never thought I was going to fall for the recovery girl. The girl that makes me work harder than I’ve ever worked for anything. I never thought that the day my Range Rover failed me, it was going to bring me to Hannah.
I think my Range Rover is now my favourite car.
He sometimes calls me, just to ask me if I have time to hang out, but my answer is the same all the time. “I’m busy, I really can’t.”
Savannah says that I’m just using lame excuses to keep distance between us, but I’m not. “If you really wanted to spend time with him, you would find a way,” she often says, but I shake my head and change the subject.
Maybe she is a bit right, I know that I could find at least an hour to see Harry, but I don’t even try. It’s just that… it is overwhelming. The way I’m growing so fond of him, of having him next to me. I already lean on him as I used to do with Savannah. I consider him my friend, part of my life and sometimes it scares me how much I think of him. Sometimes I surprise myself by thinking of him during classes after the professor says something that reminds me of him. I guess I only want a break.
“You’re only afraid to fall in love with him,” Savannah insists when I tell her that I’m just trying to get some rest; that working on opening to people is exhausting. I don’t accept it out loud, but I’m afraid she may be right.
When Harry takes my hand, when he looks at me, when she smiles at me my heart flutters in my chest. When he kisses my cheek I honestly feel butterflies in my stomach and all those feelings scare me because, let’s be honest, I’ve quite forgotten what it feels like to experience all this. I’ve been secluded in my own world for so long; I didn’t think I would feel like this again. I didn’t think someone would get to that part of my soul again.
I thought I was protected.
But falling in love would mean to completely let him in, no barrier whatsoever. But Harry is Harry Styles, he’s the heartthrob of the moment, the man that is always on the tabloids and gossip shows, the womaniser that is always captured with a different woman at every party. Sometimes with more than one woman in one night. He is the man who goes to other countries and has thousands of screaming girls throwing themselves at his feet. Harry is the kind of man who meets so many people, famous people, women that can understand the kind of world he lives in. Women that want the same things he wants.
I don’t even want to sing on a stage, and that’s what he loves the most.
Falling in love with him or something with him means letting him in just to see him say goodbye afterwards. He can’t stay with me, and I can’t go with him. I may not lose him the way I lost my mother, but I will certainly lose him to his fame and his world. And wouldn’t that be more painful? Knowing that he is out there, that I can touch him, see him again, but not having him next to me ever again?
Of course, falling in love scares the hell out of me and if distance is what I need to keep me safe from that, then that’s what I’m going to do. I can’t fall for Harry Styles unless I want to lose him and suffer from that. We can only be friends, because friends don’t need the same things that a couple would need. A friendship, maybe not a really close friendship, may work between us. But not anything else.
“Shall we start from the beginning again?” Stanley asks and I shake my head to shove off all the thoughts that have consumed me for the last couple of minutes.
This time it’s Temporary Bliss by The Cab, certainly one of my favourite songs by them. I love the combination of rock and violins, and it’s perfect for the kind of work we are doing with Max. Stanley gives us the tempo and on four, Max and I start playing. He with the guitar, I with the violin combining both instruments sounds in a harmonious melody.
Max sings as I keep playing, trying to focus only on the music and when the chorus comes, I put the violin aside and take the lead singing the words, reaching the high tones without any problem. Then he comes back and I keep playing the violin, this time Stanley joins us with the piano making it even more unique. The original song has powerful drums, but we took that out, only keeping the electric guitar.
By the time when we finish the song, I feel like we’ve finally nailed it. I’m proud of what we’ve done and I have a big smile on my lips. Max, Stanley and I look at each other with the same expression, the same kind of smile.
“That was amazing, Han!” Max exclaims putting his guitar aside and stepping closer to give me a hug. My first instinct is to pull back, but instead I fight that back and wrap my arms loosely around him as well. “The way you finished it, that arrangement with the last notes was brilliant!” He adds stepping back but keeping his hands on my shoulders.
I know he’s noticed my change because months ago he would’ve never tried to hug me.
“Max is right,” Stanley supports standing from the piano. “You did wonderful changing the tone at the end. Very good. It gave something special to the whole song.” I smile proud of myself. I just changed the notes in some words, heightening some notes and extending some words. It wasn’t much of a change, but it made a little difference and I’m glad they liked it. It was spontaneous. “And I think this should be enough for today. Tomorrow at the same time?”
Max and I nod and Stanley smiles turning around to take his stuff and leave.
“Wanna grab a coffee with me?” Max asks me a bit nervous, startling me with the suddenness of his question. I blink a couple of times to recover from the surprise before answering.
“Oh, I– I’d love to but I have plans. I’m really sorry.” He nods with a sad smile as if he weren’t surprised with my answer. I guess he expected I was going to turn him down, but he tried nevertheless. “Maybe next time,” I find myself adding, surprising not only him but myself.
“I’ll hold you to that,” he answers with a brighter smile before taking his guitar and turning to leave. “See you around, Han!”
I stay in the auditorium, still surprised of what I’ve said. I guess I have really changed, after all. Harry really made me open up to people, to give opportunities to let people in. He would be proud of me.
“That was a great song,” I hear his voice and it’s weird. It really sounds like he is here. “By who? I’d like to hear the original version, too.”
I turn around, his voice too real to be only in my head and I almost have a heart attack when I see him there, standing in front of me with a serious expression, hands in his trouser pockets, a brown leather jacket with shearling collar.
“Oh my God, Harry! You scared me! What are you doing here?” I exclaim with my hand on my chest, my heartbeats strong and loud in my ribcage.
“I came to see you. As you’re always so busy, I figured I could steal some minutes of your time if I came here.” I furrow my eyebrows when I see his serious expression doesn’t change. There’s no smile, there’s no warm in his emerald eyes when he looks at me. “But I guess you already made plans.”
“What?” I mutter confused and then I remember Max. “Oh, you mean Max! I told him maybe one day we could have some coffee, but I don’t know when that would be.” He doesn’t change with my words. Same cold and impassive expression. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just thought you really were busy, but I guess I was wrong. You were making friends.” He says that last word with so much disdain it feels like a wave of anger hitting me.
“Is that wrong? You certainly say it as if it was, but I’m just doing what you and everyone else have told me to do: opening up to people. Why do you sound so annoyed about it?”
“Because I didn’t mean those kind of friends, Hannah!” He exclaims raising his voice, surprising me again. “I didn’t want you to go on dates with anyone else!”
“I’m not going on a date with Max!” I shout back taking a step closer.
“It is clearly a promise of date to him! Didn’t you see the way he looks at you? Even I saw it and I was at the end of the room!” He cries out taking a step closer himself.
“But that’s none of your concern, Harry! You have no right to be jealous or whatever you are. I’m just doing what you told me to.”
“I never asked you to do that!” He takes another step and we’re really close now, I can see the anger and frustration in his eyes. And yes, jealousy. I wasn’t wrong there. “And I have all the right to be jealous. Of course I am jealous, Hannah!”
“You shouldn’t be! We’re nothing but friends.” I clench my fists, feeling the anger myself.
“But I don’t wanna be your friend! I wanna be more than that!” He takes my shoulders and brings me closer. “You know that, Hannah. You know how I feel about you.”
“That’s pointless. I don’t feel the same way and you better get over that and accept that friends are all that we can ever be.”
“Rubbish. Don’t come and tell me all that bullshit because you have feelings for me. Stop denying it!”
“I’m not denying anything! I don’t like you that way and now let me go!” I protest, trying to set free from his grip, but his hands are firmly secured on my shoulders.
“Stop lying, Hannah. It won’t make what you feel any less real, what’s between us,” he tries, softer this time but I shake my head, stubborn. I won’t accept what he is saying.
“There’s nothing between us!” I cry out pressing my hands against his chest to push him away, but I can’t move him. “Let me go!”
“No, I’ll prove to you that you do have feelings for me.”
“Let me g–”
I can’t even finish the command when he pulls me closer and crushes his lips against mine in a rough kiss that burns, it burns in my very soul.
And the worst part, I can’t control this. I’ve never felt like this before, so possessive over someone. I don’t know if it’s because I want to believe Hannah also has feelings for me but I can’t be sure, not until she accepts it and until then, anyone can be a threat and I want her too much to let someone else take her away from me.
I hate Max.
But I hate the effect he has on me even more, what he makes me do. I didn’t want this to happen like this, I didn’t want to push Hannah like this but I just reached my limit. It’s been a long time, I need her to accept what she feels and this is the only way I could think of.
That’s why I kissed her.
I imagined this moment so many times, I dreamt of her in my arms, giving into the kiss with the same passion and necessity. But I never pictured it like this, yet it’s still more than what I ever expected. Even if she is not kissing me back, I am kissing her. Finally.
She resists, she tries to push me away but I don’t give up, I don’t let her. I know she will give in, I know she will. Slowly, her body finally melts against mine and she stops pushing, her hands grab my jumper and it’s then when I deepen the kiss, cocking my head just to have a better access, coaxing her to give in even more, to part her lips, but she stills resists. I kiss her, her soft lips pressed against mine, sweet and full, addictive as I never imagined.
I hug her a bit tighter, pulling her body closer to mine, my hands sliding to her back, keeping her trapped in my embrace. I feel like my whole body is in flames, my heart hammering in my ribcage, my lungs screaming at me to give them some air but I can’t, I can’t stop, not when she’s stopped fighting me and starts to kiss me back.
But then she goes stiff and with strength that she didn’t use before, she pushes me, setting free and stepping back. Her eyes are wide open, shock all over her features as she breathes heavily. She takes her hand to her lips whilst I still can feel hers over mine, her taste still lingering there.
Before I can say something, she closes the distance between us in two steps and her hand finds my cheek in a loud and painful slap that leaves me staring at my right.
“Never… do… that… again.” She breathes and I don’t look at her. “Did you hear me? Never!” She shouts next and this time I meet her eyes. They are teary, as if she’s about to cry and all that jealousy that was burning in my body before, all that passion and lust I felt when I kissed her, fade away when I see her like that, like she’s about to break down.
“Hannah, wait. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push–”
“Never!” She screams grabbing her violin and case, not bothering with putting the instrument inside of it, and she runs away before I can stop her.
I feel like a complete and absolute arse. I always knew she wasn’t ready for this, yet my jealousy made me do it anyways. Now I’ve probably broken that trust that has taken me so long to win, just because I couldn’t control myself. It wouldn’t surprise me if she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. I’m an idiot.
But she kissed me back. In a moment she did, for a few seconds, but she did. She melted against my body and kissed me back, until she realised of what she was doing. Then that means she hasfeelings for me, she isn’t as indifferent as she wants to make me believe. I’ve proved my point here, and I’m sure she will realise that too. She won’t stop thinking of this kiss, even if she’s just told me to never do it again.
That’s the only thing I’m certain of: I want her, I need her. I can’t give her up.
* * *
I try to call her; of course she doesn’t pick up. I try to visit her; she’s never home or at the garage. I even think of call Savannah, but she can’t help me. She’ll be on Hannah’s side. The lads saw me in this bad mood, all gloomy and forced me to tell them what had happened.
“Give her time,” is Niall’s answer. “She needs to come to terms with all this and only then you can talk to her.” I guess he talks from his own experience. Lucky for him, Alex came to him after realising what her mistake was.
“Don’t give up. Be patient,” is Zayn’s advice, again, it’s from his own experience with Mila. But I don’t know if I can wait months for Hannah to talk to me again.
“Give her time,” advises Liam with an encouraging smile.
“Forget about her,” Louis says surprising us all.
“Pardon?” We all ask in unison staring in disbelief at the Doncaster boy.
“What I said. Forget it. Women are all the same, they make you believe they love you, that you are the one, but then they find ‘someone’ better and they leave you. Forget about her now and spare yourself the pain later.”
Louis looks so serious, so convinced, so bitter… that’s not the Louis we all know, but he hasn’t said anything until now, nor has he acted differently. Or maybe he did but I never noticed it, too into my own issues.
God, I’ve been a terrible friend as well.
“Boo Bear, what happened?” I ask grabbing his shoulder but he shoves it off and looks away, keeping the emotionless expression. “Louis?” I call again but he doesn’t look back at us. We’re all with our eyes on him, waiting for an answer.
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I guess he is trying to convince us, but he can’t. It’s obvious something happened, his voice betrays him, and his whole posture is screaming that something did happen.
“Lou, we know you. Tell us what happened,” Liam tries this time grabbing his shoulder again, trying to make him turn around but he shoves him off as well and steps farther away from us.
“Nothing happened!” He exclaims and I’m not the only one gasping. “That Eleanor dumped me is nothing. That she found someone better is nothing. Nothing happened! Nothing bl**dy happened!”
“What?!” We all exclaim in unison again, not believing what our ears hear.
“But when? How? I don’t understand!” I blurt out, worry taking over my body and forgetting everything that is happening in my life right now.
Louis and Eleanor… I can’t believe they broke up, it doesn’t make sense. I always thought they were going to be together forever. Why didn’t I see this coming?
“Oh, according to her, it’s been happening for a long time already. It’s true that since the world tour things hadn’t been the same, but I thought we were working on that. She made me believe we were working on that, but while I was away, she met someone in Uni. Someone that can be there for her while I am not. So yeah, she dumped me!”
“I can’t believe it!” Niall blurts out, as shocked as we all are.
“Well you better f**king believe it ‘cos it happened!” Louis yells at us, turning around and glaring at us with so much anger in his eyes it makes me step back. I know that his anger is not aimed at us, but we’re the only ones there with him. “She told me she tried to help it, but she couldn’t, she fell out of love with me.”
He turns away again, clenching his fits so tightly his knuckles are white. His whole body is tense and I’m not sure whether I should approach him or stay away.
He laughs humourlessly, which makes even less sense. “And then she tells me ‘but we still can be friends. We can go to Starbucks for a coffee sometime.’ Ha! As if. I f**king hate Starbucks. All women are the same, so Harry, just forget about Hannah. She’s not worth it. No one is!”
Before we can say something else, Louis storms out of the room leaving us all with our mouths hanging open and completely speechless. We’ve never seen Louis like this. He’s always the funny one, the one who never takes anything serious, the one that can always make a joke out of anything. Louis is not like this, he’s not bitter and hateful like this.
“And that’s what I call a bad break up,” Niall mutters breaking the awkward silence and waking us up from the shock that this caused.
“I can’t believe Eleanor just broke up with Louis like this,” Zayn comments, still confused. None of us has moved yet.
“I think there’s some information missing. Maybe we can get the girls to tell us, surely they know the other side of the story,” Liam rationalises, trying to find some sense in all this.
“And he wasn’t really clear either,” Niall supports Liam.
“I need to talk to him,” I say out loud. “Whatever happened, even if it’s not exactly how he painted it, he needs us now. Did you see him?”
All the lads look concerned, as much as I am.
“I’m going after him,” I state finally moving to leave the recording room.
Louis needs me, this is important and a part of me is glad I have something else to focus on, something which I can work on and actually do something. For now, I’ll forget all about Hannah and I’ll focus only on my best mate. He needs me now and I’m not going to fail him. I already missed all the signs that his relationship wasn’t going as great as I thought. I’m not making another mistake with him again.
So did you liked the chapter…
The kiss..I know you all didn’t wanted it like this but sorry…hehe..
And the slap ouch..it’s hurts..haha …
And I know I know that that Louis broke up long time ago but I’m just using it for my story…
Love you all..and make sure you comment…
And yeah actually …I have planned liam’s and Louis story in such a way that they happen at the same time..I mean like some things which Louis or liam is gonna say..will be in their chapters like in some parts.so tell me when I start it..am I supposed to write one chapter of bitter and sassy and and one od hidden .or
Should I first finish bitter and sassy and them hidden..because I don’t want you all to get confused when I write hidden..
Anyways..take care guys..
Love you all.
Music Sheet (Episode 6)
Music Sheet (Episode 6)
Chapter 6 ~ Hannah (POV)
Savannah jumps off of the bed and that wakes the little ginger ball of fur next to my legs. Hope meows and stirs, remembering I’m next to her so she climbs onto my lap and gets comfortable again to keep sleeping. I ruffle her fur with a smile on my lips. Having her makes me so happy and it gives me hope that as I let her be a part of my life, I can do that with people as well.
“Oh my gods, may I hug you?” Moni asks, and the shock is not only on Hannah’s face, but also on mine. Savannah on the other hand seems amused, but it’s clear the ginger girl doesn’t know what to do in a situation like this. I’m sure Moni remembers that Hannah is not good with people, she doesn’t have any friends besides Savannah!
We go to the arcade and it feels so different and new. Moni is with Ed, I’m with Hannah and Savannah looks completely fine. I… I don’t feel like a third wheel anymore, I feel like I have someone with me this time, someone that looks at me when things get uncomfortable for her. I’m not exactly on a date with Hannah, but it feels almost as if we were.
I’ve been avoiding Harry again. But this time it’s not entirely purposeful, I’ve been really busy in Uni and even more now that Max’s father has asked us to play again for Easter. I’m really happy that kids in his school liked what we did that much, and this certainly will look great in my CV. That’s why after classes I normally stay with Max and Stanley to practice and later I go to the shop to help Dad a bit. I don’t have much free time now to spend with Harry and I know he’s been very busy as well. Against all my own prejudices, I’ve been watching the gossip shows, just to know his whereabouts.
“Oh, sure,” I answer taking my violin to start the introduction of the song we’re working on.
I cannot help it, fury burns in my veins when I see him hugging her the way I hug her. And it’s even worse when she accepts to go on a date with him. Jealousy is eating me from the inside and I clench my fists so tight my nails sink into my flesh leaving marks on my skin. The performance was incredible, seeing her like that took my breath away, but then this guy hugged her like that and I saw red.
“Ugh!” I groan, grabbing my head. I don’t know whether to give up after this or keep my hopes up. I can’t exactly predict how she is going to act but after kissing her, after finally tasted those lips I can’t give her up.
Hello guys..how are you all again??