Misconceptions… Chapter 5 Chapter 5 ― Zayn I feared I was caring too much for Mila and if I did, then I would end up in the same situation that happened with Alex. She would pick someone over me and I would end up alone, wishing something, someone I couldn’t have. I didn’t want to go through the same situation again. “And apparently you also woke up all moody. Hope you fall asleep on the ride,” the Doncaster boy replied ignoring me as he turned around taking Eleanor’s hand and walking out of my flat. -MILA (POV) Maybe I was ready for this situation, after all, dealing with Zayn wasn’t that difficult and I felt comfortable there with all the lads and the girls. Incredible, I felt like I fit in there, with them. I felt like I could be myself and they would accept me; and in the whole day Zayn never looked at me wishing I was another person. Maybe he was starting to see the real me. I didn’t know how long I stayed there, just staring at him, but by when he turned around and his chocolate eyes met mine, I was still standing there, my eyes locked on him. My heart made a flip and I yelled at myself mentally. It wasn’t okay to feel like this when his eyes looked right into mine and reached even my soul. – ZAYN (POV) Probably there were many girls out there who could see me for who I really was, certainly Alex wasn’t the only one, but when I told that to Mila, I was only thinking of her. She could see the real me, even that part of me that I tried to hide, she treated me like I was any normal lad and she didn’t forgive me everything. If she didn’t like something about me, she just told me that to my face. Mila had the same characteristic that made me fall for Alex, but she was different, she was unique in her own way and, I discovered that day, I quite liked her way. “He’s right,” I whispered not bothering to look at him. I wasn’t stupid, I knew Zayn was flirting with me. That smile, the way he looked at me, the things he said to me. I kept telling to myself that the tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach had nothing to do with him, that the way my heart skipped a beat every time he smiled at me could be explained with another totally reasonable explanation, that I didn’t feel like melting when I saw him taking a drag of his cigarette. “Dunno. Maybe he used his magic powers of leprechaun,” I suggested shrugging and trying to hold my laughter. It wasn’t working well. She looked at me suspiciously before running away, still looking for Niall to murder him. Poor boy, I was sorry for him and his future painful death. Alex was going to suffer. -ZAYN (POV) Sometimes you got these impulses that you just couldn’t control. One of these occasions was when I hugged Mila. I just wanted to have her close, to feel her in my arms and it felt so right that I didn’t want to let her go, even when Alex appeared in the scene. That didn’t matter; whoever could see us and think of us didn’t matter because I had her where I wanted. I smiled because for the first time that task looked easy. I guess I should stop now.. thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story… .
We were back and the next day we were going to Harry’s bungalow where we were going to spend holidays together. Where Mila was going to be close to me all the time. I wasn’t sure why that kept me so excited and nervous at the same time.
As I was packing for the next day, the memory of when I hugged Mila at the airport came to my mind. Hugging her felt so different yet so familiar, like having her in my arms was the most normal thing in the world. She felt so small in my arms, but I really felt like she fit in there. Was that even possible? Was it normal for me to feel like that?
It had been difficult to see Niall and Alex recreating a movie scene in the airport, but with one look at Mila, I just forgot about that, I forgot about how much I wanted to be in Niall’s shoes and I just could look at her, being trapped in Harry’s arm and not in mine. Sometimes it surprised me how jealous I could get at Harry and Mila’s relationship. They seemed so close and it was obvious both adored each other, but could that end up in something beyond friendship? It was amazing how much that question haunted me and I hated that the answer might be yes. I hated the idea of Mila and Harry together, I hated it so much.
I sighed and closed my bag before sitting on my bed. I held my head with my hands and messed with my hair as I tried to push those thoughts aside. I couldn’t like a girl who had to make an effort to be nice to me; I couldn’t like a girl who obviously liked one of my best mates better. I just couldn’t. Yet everything pointed at the fact I already did.
I was afraid of these days to come. Yes, I was excited, but I was scared that maybe things would get more complicated for me, that my feelings for Mila were going to deepen and I would end up stuck in a worse situation.
One thing was good about this: Alex was the least of my problems now.
Why, when I laid my eyes on a girl, this girl had to like someone else? Why, when someone who really caught my attention appeared, someone who could see the real me, this girl didn’t like me back? First Alex, now Mila. I seriously was an unlucky bastard.
+ + + + +
“Zayn, you ready?” Louis asked from the living room. I sighed as I grabbed my bag and put it over my shoulder and walked out of my room.
The day had come, we were going to Harry’s family’s bungalow and I barely slept the night before. I had so many questions in my mind, so many what ifs that I just couldn’t close my eyelids. And that was so weird in me, who loved sleeping. Sleeping had always been easy for me. I was damn tired from our flight, from this trip to America and even then I couldn’t sleep; so I looked like a zombie that just walked out of its grave. Lucky enough I wasn’t driving that day or Eleanor, Louis, Liam and I would’ve ended up dead.
I was so nervous and anxious and excited and still a bit scared about this trip. There were ten days we were going to spend together and I knew, I just had this feeling, that many things were going to change and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for these changes.
“Coming,” I shouted as I made my way to the living room where Liam, Louis and Eleanor were waiting for me. We made groups to travel and we were one; Alex, Niall and Phebs were another, and Mila, Moni and Harry were the last one, so we were going to have three cars for us during these days at Harry’s bungalow.
“Mate, you look awful,” Louis said when I met them and I just rolled my eyes.
“Well thank you, man. Today I woke up whishing someone would tell me how f**king great I look,” I snapped and I saw their surprised expressions.
“You okay?” Liam asked, approaching me and putting his hand on my shoulder. I shook my head slightly with my eyes closed before answering.
“I didn’t sleep well last night. Jet lag, I guess,” I told him and he looked at me suspiciously for a couple of seconds.
“If you say so. I had a bad night for the same reason. Time difference always messes with me. Good thing Louis is driving, huh?” I smiled because he was right, it was most definitely a good thing. Liam looked tired as well, as usual after we came back from America or any other country with a huge time difference. Jet lag was a b***c.
We walked out of my flat and I locked the door. When we were out of the complex, Louis and Eleanor were already in the car so we put our bags in the boot and got in. “Sorry, mate. I just had a bad night,” I told Louis and he looked at me in the mirror for a couple of seconds before smiling.
“It’s okay, I’m used to your moody self. I still love you like that,” he replied and I smiled. I wasn’t that moody, he —as all the other lads— just liked to exaggerate about that, as they liked to do it with so many other things about us.
He started the ignition and soon we were on our way to Harry’s home. Probably the other two groups were way closer to our destination, but I just couldn’t get up earlier. I finally fell asleep like at six am and we had to be up at eight.
As tired as I was, I fell asleep and so did Liam. We cuddled together and I just opened my eyes when Eleanor shook us softly. “Boys, we’re here. Wake up,” I heard her soft voice and I just groaned. I still needed more sleep. I heard her giggle. “C’mon, they are waiting for us. You can’t stay here. Louis is already inside with the others,” she tried again and she just got the same reaction from me, but Liam moved and as we were pretty tangled, he moved me, as well. Bad Liam, bad!
“Not yet. More sleep. I need. No,” I mumbled pushing Liam away for being mean and not helping to keep myself asleep.
“Zayn, move your bl**dy arse now,” I heard and that wasn’t Eleanor’s sweet voice, that was a more aggressive yet feminine voice and I could recognise it. It was Moni. “Mila said I can’t eat cupcakes unless we’re all in the kitchen and all includes you, so move or I’ll drag you in!”
It wasn’t the threat nor the mention to cupcakes —which could move almost all the lads as Mila’s cupcakes were heaven made food—, but the mention of her name what made me open my eyes. Right. Harry’s bungalow, which meant Mila was there.
Was it normal for a guy to feel that knot in his stomach tensing so much? I didn’t know what I was expecting or why I was so anxious, but I just couldn’t help it anymore.
I saw the brunette outside the car next to Eleanor who was still giggling. Liam was nowhere to be seen so I knew they were waiting for me, just me. I stretched myself and got out the car, Moni still watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep again, apparently.
“I’m awake and coming. Don’t freak out,” I told the brunette as I started making my way to the house.
“We’re talking about cupcakes here, Malik. You don’t get between cupcakes and I, comprende? Move. Faster. It’d be better if you run.”
I just laughed at the silly girl and walked slower just to piss her off. She snorted and soon I felt her hands on my back urging me to go faster. We walked into the kitchen with Moni still pushing me and a giggling Eleanor following us.
“Ha! You owe me ten pounds, Harry!” Mila shouted when she saw as. “Told ya Moni was going to drag him in.” Then her brown eyes met mine and her smile was so sincere and easy that for the first time I felt like she wasn’t forcing herself to be nice to me. “Hi there, sleepy head. It’s really hard to wake you up, huh?” She commented whilst opening a box. Moni was next to her with big eyes and she looked kind of like a puppy waiting for its food.
“Bad night. I needed to sleep,” I replied.
“Liar. You’re a heavy sleeper and it takes a whole army to wake you up,” Harry intervened and I glared at him murderously. That didn’t leave me in a good position.
“Sleeping is good. Let him be,” Mila replied and I opened my eyes totally stunned. The black-haired girl looked up at me and gave me an honest smile. “Cupcake? Let’s celebrate we’ll got here without accidents or getting lost. The last one is for me.” Moni laughed and high-fived her and I wondered how frequent they got lost to react that way.
That question led to many others. I realised I knew so little about Mila and I wanted to change that. I wanted to know everything about her. I shook my head to push those thoughts aside as I didn’t want to go deeper in that matter. Not yet.
“Sure,” I replied as I saw Moni getting the first cupcake. That girl had issues.
Soon we were all eating cupcakes and having a few drinks to start our holidays. Everyone seemed so excited and pumped up and it seemed like they were ready to have a great time. Yes, we looked tired but you could see that everyone was happy.
After that, it came the distribution of rooms. We had to share; Harry and I were in one room, Liam and Niall in other, Louis and Eleanor together, Phebs and Alex, and Moni and Mila in another room. Niall complained about the whole distribution thing, he wanted to share room with Alex but his girlfriend wouldn’t lave alone her friend, so he had to suck it up.
We were settling up our things and, incredibly, I finished first so I went downstairs to the kitchen looking for a beer and in there I found her, distracted talking over the phone.
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” she stopped listening to whatever they were saying to her. “Yes. Have fun, take care. I’ll see you after New Year’s. Bye.” It surprised me how cold and sharp she was being. I didn’t know whom she was talking to, but it didn’t seem like she wanted to have that conversation. Mila turned around and saw me, her eyes showed her surprise. “Zayn,” she said still looking at me. “I didn’t hear you.”
“I just came in. Beer,” I explained and she nodded. “If you don’t mind me asking, whom were you talking to?” I inquired as I walked towards the fridge to grab a bottle of beer.
“I don’t mind. Um, just my mum,” she replied and my surprise grew bigger. “Gotta go help Moni.”
I couldn’t say anything else before she just walked out of the kitchen leaving me wondering what was going on with her family. She really sounded like she didn’t want to talk to her mum, but why could that be? What kind of problems did she have? I found myself wanting to know all that but I mostly just wanted to be there for her, to hear her out if she felt like talking. I wanted her to trust me with whatever happened with her family.
I grinned at the mere idea and fought against the tingles in my stomach. It wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t that important to feel like that.
As I walked to the room I was sharing with Moni, I forgot about my mum and her yelling and concentrated on what was important: having a great time with my new and old friends in this lovely house. My mum and her wishes didn’t matter anymore, I was far away and I was grateful. I didn’t have the time to get depress over her attitude.
I walked into the room where my friend was tidying everything up. She had this friendly OCD and she couldn’t stand things out of place. It wasn’t something that made things difficult for her or for me, as I lived with her, and it helped a lot to have the place always clean and tidy. She was a more relaxed version of Monica of FRIENDS.
“How did it go?” The brunette asked as she was putting her clothes in the wardrobe, organised by colour and kind.
“Same old, you know. My mum was being all b***cy because I’m not spending Christmas with them, as usual,” I replied walking towards my bag and taking out my clothes so I could put them in the wardrobe as well.
“You okay?” She asked more concerned this time. She knew better, she knew that every time my mum decided to act like a b***c, it affected me.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’m far way.” I smiled because I believed I was going to be fine. I had many things to keep my mind out of my mum’s behaviour and I had Moni with me so I could rant about my family as much as I wanted and she would always listen to me and support me.
She looked at me a tad bit more with that worried expression, almost the same one Zayn had when we encountered in the kitchen. When he looked at me, during the last few seconds that our eyes met, I really saw concern, concern for me. It wasn’t nice of me, but it felt good that he reacted that way and with that only thing my mood improved after that conversation with my mum.
Moni smiled back at me and resumed her work and I tried to help her, but honestly, I wasn’t giving my best and my friend noticed. I heard her snort before taking the shirt from my hands. “Mila, why don’t you go outside? You are obviously zoned out, so leave me here and I’ll finish pretty fast. I’ll meet you later.”
I sighed because I knew that if I didn’t obey her and kept doing things the wrong way —wrong according to her and her OCD—, she was going to end up tying me to a chair. I left her alone there and went down. The place was pretty big and definitely stunning. Everyone was in their rooms settling down and I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t want to be left alone with my thoughts because that would lead me to think of my family and I didn’t want to embitter myself.
Without noticing it, I went to the living room and there it was Zayn watching the telly with a bottle of beer in his hand. I stopped there a couple of seconds, just looking at him, his profile. He was a gorgeous man, his features were so defined and so manly, the shadow of a beard made him look s*xier, the way his lips touched the glass of the bottle was something breath-taking, the curves of his eyelashes should be illegal. When you stopped to contemplate him, you realised how beautiful he was. It was so sad that he was so blind and so stubborn, it was a shame that I cared so much about him noticing me even when I tried to lied to myself.
“Mila,” he said and I didn’t know if I heard something else because I wanted, or there was indeed real happiness in his voice. “Watcha doin’?”
“Oh, nothing. Moni sent me out as I wasn’t exactly helping her,” I replied shrugging. “What are you watching?” I asked taking a step closer.
“A rerun of FRIENDS,” was his answer and he pointed at the telly with the bottle. I looked at the screen and saw Phebs and Mike in the café. Oh, I loved that episode. “Wanna watch it with me?” He invited and I could feel his insecurity at asking that. I smiled as I walked towards the sofa where he was sitting.
“I’d love to. I adore Phoebe and Mike,” I replied taking a seat next to him. His smile was adorable, as usual, it lighted up all his face and it reached his lovely eyes.
“Beer?” He asked almost immediately and I nodded. He stood up really fast and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle for me. I really didn’t like beer but he was nice to ask. Before he came back, I noticed I started to get nervous though it was absurd for me to get all troubled because I was going to be alone with Zayn watching a TV show. It wasn’t a big thing, but for some silly reason, it felt like it.
By when he came back, the knot in my stomach was so tense I felt like it was going to explode in any minute and the smile on his face didn’t help, on the contrary, it made my heart race and I couldn’t help hating myself a bit for these reactions I was experiencing.
Zayn handed me the bottle and sat again. I tried to focus on the show and laugh with those two I loved so much, but I was so conscious about his presence that I just couldn’t pay any attention to what was happening on the screen. Every time he took a sip of his beer, my eyes drifted to him, the way his Adam’s apple went up and then down again. It was hypnotising.
“So, is this the first holidays you spend without your family?” He asked glancing at me and I had to shake slightly my head to break the trance I was into.
“Um, no. With Moni we’ve had other holidays alone,” I replied trying to focus on something else, not on this warm eyes. “What about you?”
“Yeah, first time. My mum was pretty sad when I told her about this,” he laughed and I couldn’t help finding his laugh just adorable. What was happening with me that day? I felt like a total creeper. “It’s not like we actuallycelebrate Christmas, but anyways, it’s family time.”
“But it’s really good to spend this days with your friends as well. We really had fun last time with Moni and it was only the two of us,” I told him with a smile. “This year you’re spending these days with your best mates, that’s great. And there’re the girls as well.”
“Yeah. Niall was so excited for this. You know, he always gets homesick when we are out of the country and he loves holidays with his family, but he couldn’t wait to come back and see Alex,” he commented and for the first time I noticed that his tone didn’t change that much at saying her name and he didn’t sound sour when telling me this.
“They are pretty in love, uh?” I added just because I wanted to see his reaction. It wasn’t okay to push him on this topic, but I wanted, I needed to know if his feelings for Alex were changing or not.
“Yeah,” he said and I could see his resignation. He knew he didn’t have a chance in that situation, even if he didn’t like that. “Niall is the happiest when he’s with her.”
“I can see that,” I commented and I saw a bit of sadness in his chocolate eyes, but at the same time I saw happiness and I could guess it was because he loved his best friend and wanted him to be happy. “You’re a really good friend,” I mumbled and that surprised him. His eyes immediately met mine, they were wide open in sheer incredulity.
“What did you say?” He asked, his stare so intense and I started to feel uncomfortable.
“That um— um— you’re a good friend. Look, I don’t wanna be rude but, I know you like Alex, and you like her a lot,” I started and saw him tensing. “But regardless that, you’re happy for Niall, because he’s happy. I can see that, too. You could perfectly try to steal Alex from him but you would never do that, right?” He looked at me a couple of seconds before shaking his head from side to side. “I thought so. That’s what makes you a good friend, that you put his happiness first. That’s pretty selfless and admirable.”
He stared at me a few moments and a smile made its way slowly to his lips. “It’s the first time you say something nice to me,” he said and his smile turned in a cheeky one.
“Well, there’s always a first time, but don’t let that get to your head, okay?” I warned and he laughed. “But seriously, that’s amazing. Not many men would do that. Not many people, period. People are selfish.”
“I guess that’s true but I couldn’t take the girl that makes my friend so happy, even if I could have a chance, which I don’t.”
“Did you try? At least once? Not that I’m saying you should, just curiosity. ‘Cos it really seems like you love her. Sorry if I’m intruding too much. You can tell me to mind my business right now,” I told him though I didn’t want him to do that, I wanted to know more.
“No, I didn’t. And it’s okay, I’ve never talked about this before and it seems like you’re the only one who really see through all the show I put up,” he said and I thought I heard admiration in his voice. “I always knew she liked Niall. I always knew I didn’t have a chance. I did a few stupid things that I shouldn’t, but I never tried to win Alex.”
“May I ask why do you like her?” I inquired looking for his eyes, but he looked away, focusing on the bottle.
“Um… I guess because she treats me like a normal guy, you know? She doesn’t care that I’m famous and I feel like I can be just me with her,” he replied and for some reason, that made total sense. “And, I dunno, she’s just um… great, I guess.”
What was that bitterness in the middle of my chest making me despise Alex’s existence in that moment?
“Are you conscious that there’re plenty of girls who could treat you like that? That Alex is not the only one?” I told him and I wanted to bite my tongue for saying such a thing. What was he going to think of me after that? Plus, it sounded really bitter.
“Yeah, I know,” he said in a whisper, his eyes locked onto mine and I who don’t see me just as one of the boys of One Direction.”
I didn’t know why, but I really felt like he was telling that specifically to me. Maybe it was because of the way he was looking at me, maybe it was because he was closer, maybe because my heart was beating so fast and it seemed like the whole world had disappeared around us, but I truly felt like those words were addressed to me and only me.
I liked that she had her temper, that she seemed so confident and strong, but I had a feeling that she wasn’t all what she pretended to be. I knew there was so much to know about her and I needed to know all that. I needed to know her, just her. All her secrets. Everything about her. That was why I told her about Alex despite the fact that I never talked about her and my feelings for her with anyone else. I always kept those feelings to myself, but incredible as it might sound, it felt great to let it out. Even a little bit. I wished I could express myself better, but it was hard to find the words when I wasn’t quite sure why I liked Alex in the first place. It couldn’t be only because Alex treated me like a normal boy or because we had loads of things in common, there should be another reason but whilst looking at Mila in the eyes, I couldn’t remember.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, in silence looking at each other’s eyes but it felt like forever yet like nothing at the same time. Weird and so hard to explain, but it was like the concept of time had just lost its meaning during that moment. I didn’t even notice how I started to get closer and closer to her and Mila didn’t back away, her eyes still locked on mine. For a couple of seconds, I looked at her lips and this need inside of me kept pushing me closer and closer. God, I just wanted to—
“Zayn, where are you, mate?” My thoughts were cut off by a deep and husky voice that could only belong to Mr Harry Styles. Suddenly, I felt this urge to kill him. “You left your phone in the room and your mum is calling you!” He kept yelling and I heard him getting closer.
I was frozen on my spot, still at mere centimetres of Mila, my eyes on her lips and my heart beating so fast. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and breathed in, controlling the impulse to kill my band mate as I pulled away. I felt Mila stirring on the sofa and I could guess that her cheeks were burning as much as mine.
Soon, Harry showed his head up in the living room with my phone in his hand. “Oh, here you are!” He said stepping closer and with a big smile. “Your mum called…” his words faded away as he noticed the awkward silence between Mila and I and how we were avoiding each other whilst he was there. Maybe he also noticed our bright cheeks. “Am I interrupting something?” He asked and I was about to throw him a cushion in the face. Maybe the whole sofa.
“No, nothing,” I told him between gritted teeth. Just a very crucial moment between Mila and I, you arsehole! I added sarcastically in my head.
“Hmm,” he mumbled and I just wanted him to hand my phone back so he could leave. “You okay, Mila?” He asked and just there I dared to look at her. As I suspected her cheeks were red and as I glanced at her, so did she and when our eyes met, she blushed even more.
“Yeah, I just need to go outside a moment. See ya later, boys,” she said and without waiting for an answer from us, she stood up and walked out of the room, passed through the window-door to the yard in the middle of the could afternoon. She was going to freeze outside!
“Zayn, tell me I didn’t interrupt something important,” Harry begged still looking at the place were Mila disappeared. “Niall keeps telling me I have the worst timing ever.”
“f**k, I’m sorry, mate! I didn’t meant to!” Exclaimed the curly-haired boy taking a seat next to me. I just sighed and turned around to look at him.
“It doesn’t matter now, I’ll talk to her later. Give me my phone back,” I asked and he obeyed.
“So… What happened? Are things going better between you two? Did you finally accept you fancy her?” He asked and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to be rude, but I wanted him to go so I could go after Mila. She couldn’t be outside in the middle of a winter afternoon.
“Not of your business, Harry,” I replied but I couldn’t stop thinking of what he said. Did I actually fancy Mila? I knew I liked her, her personality and they way she acted towards me —even when she was mad at me—, but I wasn’t sure if I liked her in a romantic way.
Ugh, whom was I trying to fool? The fact that I wanted to kill Harry because he interrupted us when I was about to kiss her said enough. Of course I fancied Mila.
“Of course it’s of my business. Mila is my friend, you know? And I don’t wanna know that you’re hurting her,” he said and I winced. “C’mon, you know what I mean. We all know you still have feelings for Alex. Mila isn’t your rebound, man.”
“I know that and I’m not using her!” I snapped. I was really offended that he thought that of me. I would never use Mila in that way, even if everyone else thought I was doing that. “And why are you telling me this? Do you fancy her?”
“No, she’s just my friend so don’t get jealous,” he replied without hesitation and I relaxed my fists. I didn’t notice I balled my hands. “If you really like her, you better move on from Alex.” And with that said, he stood up and walked away leaving me alone in the living room, the bottle of beer still in my hands. I put it aside and focused on my thoughts.
I had one thing clear and that was that I liked, really liked, Mila, but I wasn’t completely over Alex yet. It still hurt me when I saw her with Niall, I still wanted to be him; but the more I got to know Mila, the less it hurt. I wasn’t using her intentionally, but she was helping me without even noticing it.
A smile grew on my face as I realised that little by little I was leaving behind my feelings for someone who couldn’t return them and I was growing on someone who might want me back if I did something. Maybe Mila didn’t feel the same way now, but I could do something about it. Plus, it felt like she wanted the same that I wanted before Harry interrupted us. Maybe I had a chance this time.
And suddenly, I felt excited.
I stood up and went for a jacket before going outside where I found Mila smoking. I haven’t seen her smoking before but for some reason, it didn’t surprise me. “Hey,” I called her and she turned around. I could see she was cold, her hands shaking, her skin paler and the tip of her nose was red. “I brought this for you,” I added showing her the jacket I got for her. It was mine and suddenly I realised that maybe she wouldn’t like to wear my clothes, but she smiled so sweetly stepping closer.
“Thanks,” she said. “I was freezing but I didn’t wanna go inside again.”
She took my jacket and keeping the cigarette in her mouth, she put it on. I bit my lower lip as I kept looking at her in my jacket. It was big on her but she looked great, in fact, I loved the way it looked on her and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her even if I wanted to.
“You look great,” I whispered without being able to stop myself. I slapped myself mentally for that slip of my tongue.
Mila blushed and avoided my eyes, but I smiled as I noticed that I really liked when she acted all self-conscious. “Thanks,” she whispered taking another drag of the cigarette. “Did you talk to your mum?” She asked and I just shook my head.
“I didn’t want you to freeze, so I came here first,” I told her and she looked up at me with another smile.
I really liked it when we weren’t fighting, when we could talk like two normal people. “But now you’re gonna freeze,” she commented and I shrugged. “You should go inside.”
“I rather stay here with you. Would you give me a cigarette?” I asked and for a moment I saw surprise in her eyes at my comment, but soon she covered that up with a smile as she handed me a cigarette and a lighter. “May I ask you something?” I inquired and she just raised an eyebrow. I took that as a yes. “When you were talking to your mum, you seemed quite uncomfortable. Why? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” I hurried to add. Maybe I was pushing this moment of peace between us, but I didn’t want to remain in silence and I most certainly didn’t want to talk about Alex, my feelings or what almost happened between us before. Plus, I wanted to know why she acted like that when she was talking to her mum.
“Oh,” She mumbled and took a deep drag of her cigarette. I thought she wasn’t going to reply, but without meeting my eyes, she added. “My relationship with my family isn’t the best. I love them, despite everything, I love them; but I can’t be near them for too long. Many reasons and I don’t wanna bother you with that. Let’s just say that they want something different from me, a different Mila, but I can’t give them that so I just put distance between us as I can’t be what they want.”
“They don’t accept you as you are,” I summed up without helping being sorry for her.
“No,” she whispered and she didn’t have to expand that thought, I knew it, I could see it in her face that it hurt her.
“I’m sorry,” I told her and for a few seconds she looked up at me, her brown eyes meeting mine and a little smile playing in her lips. “But it’s really great that you don’t wanna change for them. Most people would change themselves to please their families, but you don’t do that. That’s admirable.”
“I guess… I don’t wanna change for anyone and that’s why I put distance with them. I see them from time to time, but— I dunno. I don’t wanna fight all the time, you know? I want peace too,” she told me and whilst looking at her there, unmistakably hurt by the fact her family wanted to change her, I wanted to hug her, hold her tight against my chest and promise her that everything was going to be fine. I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to change because she was perfect the way she was, even if I didn’t know her that well, I knew that the way she was made her Mila, made her the girl I was getting to know a bit more each day, the girl I liked and I didn’t want her to change.
She chuckled taking the last drag. “Let’s talk about another thing, this is getting depressing and we’re here to have fun, right?”
I smiled at her though I still wanted to hug her but I knew we still weren’t that close to do that. Maybe one day I would be able to hug her and tell her all what was in my mind.
“Like what?” I asked her without losing my smile.
“Like why in name of Loki do you have so many of these jackets?” She asked playfully pointing at the varsity jacket I lent her. I laughed as I shrugged and took a deep drag.
“Dunno, I just like them, I guess,” I replied.
“Well, you just lost one. I’m keeping this one,” she warned me and I laughed again.
“It’s okay, you look better on it.”
“I know. You should give me all your jackets now,” Mila played along with that warm and lovely smile I was growing really fond of. Well, I was just really growing fond of her.
-Mila ( POV)
Man, he looked s*xy when smoking.
“We should go inside before we die frozen here,” I commented when he finished his cigarette and before I decided to smoke another one.
“You’re probably right, I can barely feel my fingers now,” he said with a silly smile and I couldn’t help myself from smiling back. “Plus, all the guys must have finished already.”
I nodded but none of us moved or even tried to step away, we stayed there, face to face looking at each other. The way his eyes kept piercing me gave me goose bumps and my heart was beating so fast. I suddenly remembered that moment in the living room when I saw how he was getting closer and closer to me. I really thought he was going to kiss me and, weirdly, I wanted him to kiss me. Probably, if Harry hadn’t had appeared, I would have left Zayn kiss me. I didn’t know if I was grateful or mad at the curly-haired boy.
I knew we were getting along much better lately but I still knew he had feelings for Alex, he talked about that and I knew those feelings were strong. I had my pride and I didn’t want him to use me just to forget about Alex. It was true that I didn’t gave much importance to relationships and that sometimes I could go pretty fast with someone because I never let my feelings get in the way, I always let things in the physical plane. I could put everything aside and just live the moment, forget about all the rest, but I just couldn’t with Zayn. There was something inside of me stopping me and I was pretty sure it was my pride telling me that I couldn’t let Zayn use me, I could let myself be his rebound.
If Zayn didn’t love Alex the way he did, things probably would be different. But he was still crazy about her and I couldn’t do anything about it, even if I wanted to.
Feeling my chest being oppressed by an imaginary force, I slightly shook my head and started walking towards the house leaving him behind. Nothing was going to happen between Zayn and I —nor even a little fling— if I wasn’t sure he was over Alex, or that he wasn’t using me. I didn’t mean he had to fall for me or something similar, I just didn’t want to be used.
As I made my way into the house, I found a very busy Niall eating the rest of the cupcakes in a corner. I had made many cupcakes for this trip and when we got here, we left a few for later, but it seemed like Niall didn’t understand that it meant for everyone, not only him. Or maybe he understood, that was why he was hiding.
“Niall? What are you doing?” I asked stepping closer and when his blue eyes met mine, I saw panic. Yup, he knew the cupcakes weren’t only for him.
“NIALL!” I heard at the same time he opened his mouth to say something. Panic was replaced by sheer terror and I recognised that voice. It was Moni’s. “I’m gonna kill you, oh you little piece of Irish shit! You can’t eat all the cupcakes!” She kept screaming and she was getting closer.
“Run or prepare to die,” I told him. I was already laughing so hard at his terrified expression, and I laughed even harder when he ran away with the few remaining cupcakes against his chest. That boy was going to die once Moni caught him.
Soon enough, my best friend showed up in the living room at the same time that Zayn did. “Where’s that little leprechaun?” The brunette asked and she had the right to say little because she was older and almost as tall as him and that day she was wearing —impressively— high heels.
“What’s going on?” A confused Zayn asked behind me. No, his proximity didn’t affect me.
Liar! I internal voice screamed in my head. I hushed it.
“You need to find a replacement for Niall. Moni is gonna kill him ‘cos he ate the cupcakes we left for later. I’m sorry,” I explained offhandedly and I heard him chuckle. What was wrong with me that I was finding cute everything he did?
“Damn it, I wanted a cupcake,” he said and it was my turn to chuckle. He didn’t even comment that they were losing a member of One Direction that day.
“I ain’t gonna make more,” I told him folding my arms and trying to be serious, but my charade fell to the floor when I felt his arms surrounding me and his chest against my back, soon his chin was on the top of my head and my heart was beating so fast I feared it was going to break free from my ribcage in any moment. I wasn’t prepared for this. I never expected him to do this. Why? Why was he doing this to me?
“Oh, c’mon! We’re gonna be here for a week. We’re gonna need your cupcakes,” he cooed and I was melting in his arms. Melting. No kidding there.
I was utterly speechless, my heart still beating frantically and my limbs frozen. I was just there, been embraced by Zayn Malik. At least until Alex walked into the room. “Moni, don’t kill him, ple—” and she stopped talking as soon as she saw our scene. I thought Zayn was going to let me go in that moment, but he didn’t. He didn’t react at all and I wasn’t sure what to think about that. “Oh my God!” She shrieked and I could swear her eyes were shining. “Moni, come here and see this!” She screamed immediately. “Forget about Niall, you need to see this! Oh, my feelings!”
Soon enough, Moni came running back and when she saw us, she reacted just like Alex did. “Oh my feelings. This is perfect. OTP, OTP!” She faked crying and I was completely shocked. What was wrong with those two that day?
Zayn was laughing and I could feel his chest vibrating against my back, and his arms wrapped me tighter, like wanting me closer.
My poor heart. Tachycardia, here I go, I thought for myself.
“You two are so cute together! God, I ship you more than I ship Peeta and bread!” Moni cried and Alex just nodded looking so touched as my best friend seemed. “Best OTP ever.”
I sighed and Zayn was still chuckling. “You should let me go. Those two shouldn’t be encouraged,” I told him in a whisper.
“I’m comfortable here. I have a better idea to make them go though. Look,” he said and my heart did another flip at his words. I didn’t like this Zayn, it wasn’t healthy. “Is that Niall eating the lastcupcake?” He questioned looking at Moni and Alex’s back.
Sure enough, both girl forgot about us and went practically running after Niall. Moni promising a very painful death, and Alex trying to save her boyfriend. “What did Moni mean with more than Peeta and bread?” He asked me.
Why was he still holding me? I couldn’t quite think straight when he held me that close to him, when I could feel his scent so clearly. It was clouding my mind and my ability to formulate coherent ideas. For the love of Loki, I was acting like a little teenage girl! Shame on me!
“A tumblr thing,” I tried to explain finding so difficult to say the proper words to answer that. “They are crazy. We aren’t even part of a story to be an OTP. This is stupid,” I told him shaking my head. I still wanted him to release me.
“Should I feel flattered?” He asked me, his tone low and smooth. I felt shivers going down my spine. Bad boy! You couldn’t do that to a girl and certainly not when you were so close to her ear!
“Um— Anyone who gets those words from Moni should feel flattered. She ships Peeta and bread hard-core.” He chuckled again and, one more time, shivers went down my spine. I needed him to let me go, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. “I gotta go,” I said shrugging him off and walking away quickly.
I heard him calling my name but I didn’t turn around, I just kept walking towards my room where I was going to lock myself until my heartbeats slowed down and I could think clearly again. I didn’t know why he did that but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like him to confuse me.
He didn’t react when Alex appeared. Why? Was it because he wanted to make her jealous? If that was so, then he failed epically because that only encouraged her further with the whole OTP shit. If he did it because he wanted to show her that he was moving on, then… then I had to come back to kick him in the balls. I wasn’t a toy and most certainly I wasn’t something for him to use at his will and show his point.
I stopped for a second, breathing in slowly. I didn’t have the chance to take another step when someone came out of one of the rooms. Soon, in front of me, was the curly-haired boy with a charming smile and his dimples as cute as ever.
“Mila!” He exclaimed cheerfully. “Wait, are you wearing Zayn’s jacket?” And just then I remembered I had on his jacket with his scent impregnated to it.
“Um— he lent it to me when we were outside,” I explained to him and I saw how he raised one eyebrow suspiciously.
“Why are you blushing, Mila?” He questioned and his tone was sheer evilness.
“I’m not blushing. You have issues with your eyes. You should see a doctor,” I spat defensively and tried to walk past him, nut the damn boy stopped me by grabbing my arm.
“Could it be that you fancy the Bradford bad boy?” He asked and I wanted to laugh so hard at the way he called Zayn.
“Of course not! How could I fancy someone who’s crazy about another person? I don’t need that kind of drama in my life,” I answered and I truly didn’t need it. I was in the middle of this and I didn’t even want to be there! Certainly it wasn’t fair.
“And that bugs you,” he ventured and I just shrugged him off without caring to be too rude or not.
“Of course not!” I said again and that only made Harry raise his eyebrows again. “I don’t fancy Zayn, I don’t care if he’s in love with Alex or not. I only care that no one is using me to pretend or anything else. Now, excuse me.”
I didn’t wait for a response, I just walked away until I got into my room. I hated to yell at Harry for something it wasn’t his fault. All this was Zayn’s fault, for making me feel this way, for confusing me this way, for making me want something I didn’t need. It was all his fault, damn boy.
Normally, I was always conscious about Alex, where she was and if she was noticing me, but whilst I held Mila in my arms, that didn’t matter. I only cared about the short black-haired girl in my arms. And for me that moment was perfect, but it seemed like for her wasn’t like that, considering the way she left me there.
Maybe I was pushing her, maybe it was too sudden for her, considering that she knew I had feelings for Niall’s girlfriend. Maybe she didn’t understand what was happening to me. Certainly, it was strange for me, too, and I felt like everything was happening really fast, the way how Alex and Niall weren’t my biggest problem and how she started to become that. I just knew one thing: I wanted her to know that I had a new interested on her and I was willing to go further with this.
With that on mind, hoping that being close to her would help us all to figure out what was happening, I went after her as she didn’t turned back when I called her, but in the way I didn’t find the petite girl I was looking for, but the boy with the worst timing ever, AKA Harry Styles.
“Are you looking for Mila?” He asked me when we met in the stairs and I just wanted to walk past him.
“Yeah,” I replied quickly but he grabbed my shoulder and stopped me.
“Don’t. She’s clearly not in the mood considering she yelled at me and I don’t think she wants to see you now,” he told me and I looked at him confused.
“What do you mean?” I asked more than intrigued. I thought Mila and I were in good terms, after all, we hadn’t fought in the last twenty-four hours. That had to be a record for us.
“You might not want to accept it, but I know you fancy her. Now, do us all a favour and don’t try anything unless you’re sure you don’t feel anything else for Alex,” he said dead serious, shocking me. “If you don’t do this, Mila will never believe you like her for her, she’ll keep believing you’re using her, because that’s what she thinks now, Zayn.”
“I’m not using her!” I spat, shoving him off. Of course I wasn’t using her, not intentionally. She was helping me to get over all this, but not because I wanted to do that, it was unconscious, it was because my feelings for her were getting stronger and stronger and that made my feelings for Alex go weaker.
I wasn’t using her. I would never do that. She was totally wrong about me if she thought that I could ever use her like that.
“Well, that’s what she thinks and if you try to make a move on her while you still hold feelings for Alex, you will only end up hurting Mila. And I won’t let you do that.” He sounded so severe whilst saying that and I knew he was serious, that he would never let anyone to hurt Mila. He really cared about her and I couldn’t help feeling jealous and a tad bit afraid that those protective feelings from Harry would turn into something different.
I stopped for a second, trying to calm down my mind and everything that was going on inside of me. I didn’t want to hurt Mila and Harry was right that if I tried something with her whilst I still had feelings for Alex, I was only going to hurt the curly-haired girl and that was the least thing I wanted to do.
Harry was right. If I wanted something with Mila, if I really wanted to go deeper into this I was starting to feel for her, I had to completely move on from Alex.
+ + + + +
“Okay, I think we should do something tonight or I’ll bore to death,” Moni suggested walking into the kitchen where I was eating some cookies I found.
Mila hadn’t come down in the whole afternoon and things had been a bit slow, so I knew why the brunette was bored after she finished with Niall, and by finished I meant she crushed the last cupcake in his head with maybe too much force. It probably hurt, but it was damn funny to see Niall with a cupcake hat.
We all learnt something that day: you didn’t have to get in the way of Moni and Mila’s cupcakes.
“We could watch a movie,” Liam suggested joining us in the kitchen whilst he was texting. Probably Danielle. It was a shame she couldn’t come with us and I knew Liam missed her.
The only missing ones in the kitchen were Phoebe and Mila. Harry was sat next to me, stealing cookies. Louis and Eleanor were across us with his laptop watching silly videos on Youtube. Niall was hidden behind Alex, far away from Moni who kept sending death glares at the blond. I was sure Niall was never going to try to eat the last cupcakes. Ever.
“Fair enough. It’s snowing and I’m in the mood for a good movie,” Alex commented and before she could suggest what movie, all of us jumped.
“Not The Avengers, nor Thor nor Captain America nor The Amazing Spiderman. Please!” We begged as she loved those movies so much and were always her first choice. We all knew those movies by heart already.
“Not fair! Those are great movies!” Moni complained and I shivered. Now Alex had an ally in this. We were doomed.
“Let’s watch something better. A horror movie!” Louis suggested and I winced, not sure it was a good idea either.
“Boring! I don’t like watching horror movies with Mila. She gets scared at everything and she doesn’t allow me to laugh,” Moni complained and Alex laughed.
“I have the same problem, sister!” The black-haired girl exclaimed and both girls grinned evilly. If we indeed watched a horror movie, we were going to die because of those two.
“What problem?” Asked a new voice and my eyes drifted immediately to the entrance to found a confused Mila and a smiley Phebs.
“They want to watch a horror movie,” Moni told Mila walking to her to embrace her. “Tell them it’s not a good idea. Tell them the things I do if we watch a horror movie.”
Mila’s wide-open eyes looked at us with terror. “Please, no. She won’t let me sleep and will scare us all till we shit our pants. Let’s watch something else, like High School Musical. Everyone is safe with that.”
I laughed and almost choked with the cookie I was eating, but Moni sent me a terrifying glare.
“Let’s watch The Woman in Black,” Phebs suggested with her lovely smile still playing in her lips. “I’ve hear it’s quite good and it doesn’t scare, so I think that Alex and Moni won’t be able to scare us,” she explained and I wasn’t that sure because I saw Mila shivering and the look in Moni’s face started to scare me. What was she planning?
After a couple of seconds, everyone accepted and even I did, really interested in seeing Mila’s reaction during the film. Maybe she could look for shelter in me. I was totally up for that option.
“I warn you,” Mila whispered causing several of us to laugh. It couldn’t be that bad, right? We were a group of grown-ups; we didn’t get scared at silly horror movies anymore. We were safe, Mila was just exaggerating.
“I’ll get the movie,” Louis offered looking immediately for the movie. “Wify, just letting you know, you’ll have to protect me and El if we get scared,” he said offhandedly causing Eleanor to giggle. “Maybe she should marry you, too,” he went on and I laughed this time, too.
“You have issues, dear husband. And I think El will take care of your baby arse. I have to take care of this one,” Alex replied pointing with her thumb to Niall who smiled proudly. He didn’t pretend to be brave anymore when we watched horror movies and it was quite funny to see how he cuddled against Alex all the time, covering his eyes and things like that.
“Harry, can I talk to you for a second?” Mila asked and my eyes looked for her immediately. She didn’t bother to meet my gaze, she was just focused on the curly-haired boy who nodded before stealing another cookie and walking towards her.
“Shall we prepare the living room?” Liam asked Phebs and she nodded before both of them left the kitchen.
“We’re gonna take care of the food,” Niall spoke leaving his hiding place behind Alex’s back. His girlfriend giggled before helping him picking the humungous amount of food for a normal movie.
I kept my eyes on the door from which Mila and Harry disappeared wondering what they were talking about. Dying to know. I was so focused on that, that I didn’t notice when Moni sat next to me and stole a cookie. What was wrong with everyone stealing my food?
“You should know that Mila gets scared at everything. I’m not exaggerating,” she told me offhandedly. “And I don’t make things easier for her with this.”
“And you are telling me this because…?” I asked her meeting her eyes. She had this mischievous look in her eyes.
“‘Cos you two are my OTP and I think you could use this situation in your advantage,” she replied stealing another cookie. “Just make sure you get to sit next to her, though she will probably destroy your hand.”
I smiled taking note of that. If Moni was right, I was damn sure I was going to sit next to Mila and offer her all the comfort she would need. I didn’t have the slightest interest in the movie anymore, I was just eager to see how this evening was going turn out.
Helloooo..how are you all?..sorry for not updating for a few days..busy days…
But but did you liked the chapter ? And zayn’s suddenly hugging Mila from behind? Wait tell me what the best part of today’s update was?
For me the best part was when niall was caught eating cupcakes and his reaction hahaha I love niall and his funny moves..I love all of them..
And yeah mny.. my favorite member of one direction… I love all of them not like the crazy fan girl..but I really like them.. and my favorite is zayn hehe.. make sure you guys tell me whom do you like the most according to my story…
Okay and one more thing don’t get mad at mila’s sudden anger..she is confused and moreover zayn is making her confused by hugging her..
Well the upcoming updates are gonna be lovely…
Love you guys so much for supporting me and motivating me all the time…
Love you like forever hehe..
Misconceptions… Chapter 5
Misconceptions… Chapter 5
Chapter 5 ― Zayn
I feared I was caring too much for Mila and if I did, then I would end up in the same situation that happened with Alex. She would pick someone over me and I would end up alone, wishing something, someone I couldn’t have. I didn’t want to go through the same situation again.
“And apparently you also woke up all moody. Hope you fall asleep on the ride,” the Doncaster boy replied ignoring me as he turned around taking Eleanor’s hand and walking out of my flat.
Maybe I was ready for this situation, after all, dealing with Zayn wasn’t that difficult and I felt comfortable there with all the lads and the girls. Incredible, I felt like I fit in there, with them. I felt like I could be myself and they would accept me; and in the whole day Zayn never looked at me wishing I was another person. Maybe he was starting to see the real me.
I didn’t know how long I stayed there, just staring at him, but by when he turned around and his chocolate eyes met mine, I was still standing there, my eyes locked on him. My heart made a flip and I yelled at myself mentally. It wasn’t okay to feel like this when his eyes looked right into mine and reached even my soul.
– ZAYN (POV)
Probably there were many girls out there who could see me for who I really was, certainly Alex wasn’t the only one, but when I told that to Mila, I was only thinking of her. She could see the real me, even that part of me that I tried to hide, she treated me like I was any normal lad and she didn’t forgive me everything. If she didn’t like something about me, she just told me that to my face. Mila had the same characteristic that made me fall for Alex, but she was different, she was unique in her own way and, I discovered that day, I quite liked her way.
“He’s right,” I whispered not bothering to look at him.
I wasn’t stupid, I knew Zayn was flirting with me. That smile, the way he looked at me, the things he said to me. I kept telling to myself that the tingling sensation in the pit of my stomach had nothing to do with him, that the way my heart skipped a beat every time he smiled at me could be explained with another totally reasonable explanation, that I didn’t feel like melting when I saw him taking a drag of his cigarette.
“Dunno. Maybe he used his magic powers of leprechaun,” I suggested shrugging and trying to hold my laughter. It wasn’t working well. She looked at me suspiciously before running away, still looking for Niall to murder him. Poor boy, I was sorry for him and his future painful death. Alex was going to suffer.
Sometimes you got these impulses that you just couldn’t control. One of these occasions was when I hugged Mila. I just wanted to have her close, to feel her in my arms and it felt so right that I didn’t want to let her go, even when Alex appeared in the scene. That didn’t matter; whoever could see us and think of us didn’t matter because I had her where I wanted.
I smiled because for the first time that task looked easy.
I guess I should stop now.. thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story…