Misconceptions… Chapter 4 Chapter 4 ― Zayn ( POV) Mila turned around immediately and our eyes met. She smiled a bit but I couldn’t reply, I just felt cold inside, I felt all my muscles tensing due to a sudden rage going through my veins. It seemed like everyone rather be with someone else than me, they always picked someone else over me. Why? Was I so annoying that no one wanted to be next to me? Why did no one pick me over the rest? – MILA (POV) It had to be the hangover because it wasn’t normal for me feeling like this. All those emotions that overcame me when Zayn hugged me, or that black and bitter feeling that filled my body when I saw the way he looked at Alex… those feelings weren’t normal. Those feelings weren’t okay. It wasn’t okay that I wanted to tell him to get over her, to move on and stop looking so hopelessly in love with her. It wasn’t okay that I was so pissed for all that. My mind went to Moni, to that look in her face when she saw Tom Fletcher in pictures with his wife. Yes, she had never met him before but it amazed me the intensity of her feelings for him, how much she could love him without even knowing him in person. She looked at him the same way Zayn looked at Alex, with so much intensity and resignation at the same time. Both knew perfectly that they could do anything for the other person, but that they would never be together, that that other person wasn’t meant for them. – ZAYN ( POV) You would think Niall swore while watching a game. I thought that no one could compare to the Irish boy but, man was I wrong! Mila swore like a truck driver in his worst day. But it was fun to watch her so passionate and immerse into something she loved such as football. I liked sports but I never was so excited as I was during that game with Mila next to us. She had so much energy and you just couldn’t help be dragged into so much emotion. I had to admit that I never enjoyed a game that much, until that day. In fact just watching her was quite the experience, even when she was fangirling over a fictional character with Alex. “Yup. Moni called to tell me she’s gonna pick me up. It’s late.” I couldn’t help feeling disappointed although I knew she had to go and she couldn’t stay there forever. None of us could, well, except for Niall and Dan, but that was another story. -MILA ( POV) “Here, take this,” Moni told me handing me the mug with hot, sweet and perfect tea. Oh how she knew me. I was trying to write, and by trying I meant typing three words and deleting five because I was so f**king insecure at writing, and tea always helped me to focus a bit more. I only needed tea, cigarettes and Moni threating at me with objects if I deleted something. “Of course no! What the f**k are you saying?” I snapped at her glaring daggers in her direction. She just laughed. More. -ZAYN (POV) I was going to take the first bite of my masterpiece, AKA the best sandwich ever, when a wild Harry appeared in the kitchen and ran towards me. First off, how the f**k did he enter my flat? Since when did he have a key? I didn’t remember me giving him one. However, Harry wasn’t the only one kind of obsessed with me accepting my ‘feeling’ for Mila; Alex was worse. Every time I saw her, she would go on saying that Mila and I should date, that we were perfect for each other and that we were their favourite OTP. At the end we all learnt that OTP meant One True Pairing and Mila and I were above Peeta and Katniss, and Tobias and Tris. Who were those? I couldn’t remember, I just knew they belonged to some books and that Alex loved those couples, so it was a ‘humungous honour’, as she stated, to be her OTP. CLARIFICATION! When Mila talks about Alex and Niall breaking up, she meant that time in Backfire. After that (during the summer, when classes started) they haven’t broken up. So don’t panic! They are still very much in love. I finally met Phebs and she was lovely. I immediately loved her and she brought up this sweet side of me. Something similar to what Liam could do to me when we talked or shared a moment. In our way to the airport, I talked a lot to the blonde girl, mainly about my stories and how excited she was. Phebs kept telling me about how I should publish a book, that fan-fiction wasn’t enough for me, that I had the potential to be a published writer and I should start selling books right now. Did you see? Lovely girl. Something I did notice was my friend playing her cheesy music and watching us, but I decided to ignore her. “Great!” He exclaimed and I raised my eyebrow. Was he saying that it was great that I didn’t have plans? “Now you can come with us! We’re planning to go to my house for the winter break. You know, a couple of days after we get back from America. Would you like to come? Alex and Phebs are going too. Belle is going to spend holidays with her boyfriend so we’re not friends anymore with her.” -ZAYN (POV) Was it too much asking for someone to like me better? Was it too much wanting to be special for someone? I didn’t think so but it seemed like it was. It always was. I knew I couldn’t have Alex but I wanted someone to look at me like she looked at Niall, or someone to smile at me like Belle smiled at Dan or someone like Phebs whose features used to soften when she thought of Liam. But instead of that, I had someone who could barely stand me and who forced herself to be nice, someone who clearly preferred Harry and Liam over me. It could be my wounded pride because one of the things I thought the most was why she didn’t like me and what I could do to change that. I didn’t know if I thought of that because I wanted Mila to like me or because I couldn’t stand someone to dislike me. But I wasn’t that vain, I couldn’t be. If I was, then Mila had all the right to hate me. I would hate me too. -MILA (POV) “Are you excited?” Moni asked whilst I kept looking for my phone. Seriously, how could I lose it so easily? And I needed my phone; I used it for everything. “Are you sure they are taking this exit?” Moni asked to Alex who seemed really into something that was happening in her phone. :-:-:-:-:- .
“What’s going on, Zayn?” Harry asked me but I wasn’t paying the slightest attention to him, I was looking at the way where Mila had left, still with that knot in my stomach and my heart beating faster than usual.
I was shocked by what just happened between us. I still didn’t understand what happened with her and that sudden change of mood, I still didn’t know why she just turned into someone different right in front of my eyes and I certainly didn’t know why she looked at me so… hurt. What did I do to make her act like that? To look at me like that? I was sure about just one thing: it was because of something I said. But that wasn’t the only thing that had me so absorbed and out of this world, it was also for what happened when I touched her. That electric jolt that went through my whole body and made my whole skin tingle like there was something under it, and my hand, the hand I had on her elbow, it was like I was touching a very powerful spot.
“Zayn?” Harry asked again and I had to shake my head to come back to this world. “You okay, mate? You look… well, weird.”
“Yeah, I think I’m okay.” The curly-haired boy looked even more confused and I sighed because I knew I wasn’t making any sense to him, but I couldn’t try to explain something that didn’t make sense to me either. “It’s just that I… I…” I trailed off furrowing my eyebrow, still so confused. A part of me just wanted to go after her, maybe she could help me to understand what was happening with me; another part of me wanted to put as much distance between us two as possible because all this was so overwhelming and it kind of scaring me a tad bit.
“Does it have to do with Mila? What’s going on between you two?” My friend asked again getting closer and putting his hand over my shoulder.
“I… I guess. There’s something odd with her and how I—” I cut myself off before saying something that could be interpreted as something else. You could never be too careful with Harry Styles.
“How you what?” He insisted, obviously not willing to let the matter drop.
“I don’t wanna talk about it, Harry. Can’t you just let it go?” I requested looking into his eyes, hoping he would understand that it wasn’t the moment and I needed to figure out many things before even talking about it out loud.
He stared at me for a few more seconds trying to decide what to do. He finally smiled and nodded. “Okay, but if you wanna talk you know where you can find me.” I nodded as well and my eyes went immediately to the window of the house, like I could see her. It amazed me that even if I tried, I couldn’t just shrug off what happened between us. “Shall we go back inside?” Harry asked and I nodded one more time.
As we made our way into the house again I noticed something very peculiar, something that made my heart stop for a second at the realisation: I was more concerned about Mila and what was happening between us than seeing Alex and Niall together, which was always my biggest concern every time we were all together. All the time I had to remember to show no expression, to act like I was perfectly okay with the fact that they were together and that inside I was feeling like tearing apart. For the first time since Niall and Alex got together, they were the least of my concerns. The only thing I cared about in that moment was Mila and trying to understand what was happening.
+ + + + +
“Zayn!” Liam exclaimed as he saw me standing there, my eyes fixed on them.
I had just walked into the house and the first thing I saw were Liam and Mila talking before he hugged her. I felt like an invisible hand had just squeezed my heart as I saw the smile on Liam’s face and how Mila hugged him back. Obviously she liked him better, she was happily talking to him, hugging him but she didn’t want to be in the same place as me.
“We were just talking about you!” Liam went on, not noticing my mood and how I just wanted to shout at his face. “I’m so glad you’re friends now! No more fighting!” I raised one eyebrow confused. I saw Mila blushing and avoiding my gaze.
“Pardon?” I asked not looking at Liam but focused on Mila, trying to meet her eyes again.
“You know, that you agreed on a truce. Mila just told me that everything is fine between the two of you. Now smile!” He requested and I just frowned. I still didn’t fully understand what was happening and what Mila told Liam, but for some reason the fact that they were talking about me cheered me up a tad bit. “Right, Mila?”
“Yeah,” she replied but she kept avoiding me and I felt this urge to walk towards her until we were face to face, grab her chin and make her to look at me. “Friends.”
I didn’t know how Liam could believe her when it was evident for me that she didn’t feel what she was saying. She didn’t see me as a friend, on the contrary, she sounded like she was saying that just to content Liam.
Maybe we cleared things up, but it was evident that she didn’t like me. She didn’t hate me, I knew that, but she didn’t want to be near me either.
“Oh, c’mon, Zayn, smile! You made a new friend today!” He put his arm around Mila’s shoulder and pushed her towards me until we were all face-to-face. “Now hug! That’s what friends do!” He literally pushed us against each other.
My arms automatically wrapped around her small body and pulled her even closer. That jolt of electricity I felt before went through my whole body again, this time magnified. My whole body tingled and I just felt so different, a sensation I couldn’t describe, I just knew that I didn’t want to let her go. I hugged her tighter when I felt her own arms surrounding my waist and his face hiding in my chest. I buried my nose in her hair and her perfume just hit me; a sweet and exquisite perfume.
“Aw, see? This is better,” Liam cooed and if he hadn’t spoken, I wouldn’t have remembered he was there, too.
Mila tried to pull back but I didn’t want to, not yet. I— I liked to hold her in my arms. She was so small, so petite yet she felt so right against my body.
It was weird. I had hugged thousands of girls but I never felt like this before. It was so different how I felt her in contrast to the way I felt other girls, including Alex. Mila just felt like something completely different and unique.
“Now let’s go ‘cos they’ll need help with the BBQ,” the brunet reminded us and just then I let her go though I still wanted to keep her there, in my arms. How weird was that?
I looked down at her eyes and she finally met mine. I bit my lower lip as I saw how her cheeks blushed before stepping back and walking behind Liam who was already going to reunite with the others. I stood there for a while, trying to understand why I was feeling like that, why all these emotions came at me when she was close. I wanted to understand the meaning on this, I wanted to know why she felt so different.
I breathed in deeply and walked towards the kitchen where all my friends probably were preparing everything for the BBQ and the game we were going to watch.
As I walked into the kitchen I saw all my friends laughing and even I had a smile on my face, at least until I saw Alex and Niall standing there, hugging each other oblivious to the world.
I knew they always tried not to be all lovey-dovey in front of me because both of them knew about the situation and didn’t want to make this awkward, but sometimes they just couldn’t help it and I understood that, after all it was obvious and we all knew they loved each other. I normally tried to avoid them when they started to act like that, but sometimes I couldn’t, sometimes I had to stand there and bear with them being, well, a couple. That afternoon was one of those times.
I stood there, staring at them feeling that so familiar wave of jealousy running down my body. I couldn’t help asking myself over and over again why Alex couldn’t see me like something more than a friend, why she had to pick Niall over me, why she didn’t love me as she loved Niall.
It was when I saw them so happy together when I wanted to feel like that more than ever. I just wanted someone to love me for who I was, not for being Zayn of One Direction. I wanted someone who loved me like Alex loved Niall. I didn’t want to be treated different because I was a popstar, I just wanted to be treated like a normal boy. That was one of the reasons why I liked Alex, because she never treated us like we were something else but normal lads.
Was it too much to ask for someone to want me? For someone to need me?
I looked away because it hurt to see them and accidentally my eyes found Mila and her expression was like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I saw so much pity in her eyes, but not only that, I also saw something dark and bitter, something that I didn’t see in her before. There was such intensity in her gaze that left me out of breath.
I felt divided in three. A part of me was mad because I didn’t need her compassion, I had enough with my own pity party; there was this other part of me who just wanted to know what else she was feeling, what else was behind that look; and there was this part that wanted to go to her and asked her for comfort, for a distraction.
I just stood there, feeling all these things inside and not knowing what to do.
“Zayn, take this!” Harry suddenly interrupted my thoughts handing me a beer and with a bright smile. “Let’s make this more fun!”
I smiled as I broke eye contact with Mila. I took the bottle and smiled at Harry who just patted me on the back. “You okay?” He asked in a whisper and I nodded. Sometimes Harry could surprise you with how observant he was. “You know? I like Mila,” he said really low so only I could hear him. I tensed at his words. “You should talk more to her.”
And then I understood what he was saying. He didn’t mean he liked Mila for himself, but he liked her for me.
I glanced at her briefly, considering that and wondering: did I like her for myself?
It was incredibly irritating that with each second that passed, the fact that Zayn was head over heels for Alex annoyed me more and more. It wasn’t my business and most certainly it wasn’t a reason to be bothered. It wasn’t my life and I just met Zayn, I had nothing to do with what he felt for his best mate’s girlfriend or what he didn’t feel. Alex was my friend, but even though, it wasn’t my problem. Nevertheless, I was standing there, looking at Zayn, feeling all these emotions bubbling in my chest and a lump in my throat.
What was wrong with me?
“You see the same, right?” A voice asked next to me surprising me so much that I literally jumped up. I looked right and there it was Liam, his eyes on Zayn who kept sending glances at Niall and Alex. Those two were totally oblivious to this world.
“What do you mean?” I asked almost in a whisper, my attention back to Zayn who evidently was making an effort not to pay attention to the couple at his left.
“Zayn. He says that he’s over Alex, that he never liked her that much, that he was just confused, but he doesn’t fool me. I can see through his lies even if I don’t tell him that,” replied the brunet and I looked at him surprised. His tone was so deep and serious and it carried all the concern he felt for his friend. It was evident even for a blind person that Liam really cared for Zayn and what was happening to him.
“Evidently, he’s not over her. He looks at her like a puppy in need of love. It’s kinda sad,” I commented trying not to look in Zayn’s direction.
“Yeah, that’s another reason why I don’t wanna see him sad, you know? That’s why I asked you to clear things up with him ‘cos I know this is difficult for him.”
I nodded understanding what he meant. Zayn was completely alone in this, but by choice. He probably didn’t want the rest to pity him or he just didn’t want them minding his business; but I didn’t think it was good for him to face everything alone. That always bottled up inside and the moment when everything would explode was going to happen sooner or later.
“He’s in love with her,” I mumbled and my own tone surprised m… so bitter, so dark. Liam seemed to noticed it too because he gave me a weird look. Or maybe it was because of what I just said.
“You think?” Okay, it was because of what I said.
I nodded looking away from his intense scrutiny. “Yeah. It’s obvious he worships the floor Alex stands upon.” At those words my chest tightened and I felt like there was no room for my heart to beat. It hurt. It damn hurt. “And Alex knows that, too. Maybe she doesn’t know the extent of his feelings because he tries to hide it, but she knows that he still feels something for her.”
I knew Liam looked at me surprised. Who wouldn’t? I just met Zayn the night before and we were drunk ninety per cent of that time, the other ten per cent we were arguing. But for some reason, it was so easy to read him when he looked at Alex. Everything was so clear, like an open book waiting for me to read it.
“How can you be sure of that?” He asked me and I knew he was going to do that.
“First off, because I know Alex and even if she tries to hide it, she feels sorry for Zayn.” And that was why she set up our date, expecting I would be the girl who made Zayn forget about her. I still was a bit mad at her for that. “And for some reason, it’s really easy for me to see what Zayn is feeling when he looks at Alex. It’s weird,” I mused. “Maybe it is because I saw the same look too many times.”
It always hurt me seeing Moni depressed because Tom would never love her when she could love him so much. I always hugged her and told her that someday she was going to meet her own Tom; but with Zayn I didn’t feel like telling him that everything was going to be fine, I just wanted to shake him and make him see that he needed to move on.
“You’re very observant. You just met him and you’re more conscious about this situation than any of the other lads,” Liam commented and I smiled weakly. Yeah, I was used to seeing things that no one else seemed to notice. Sometimes it was good and sometimes it sucked.
“I’m hungry! Let’s hurry up before the game starts!” Niall yelled surprising us all for a second before everyone started laughing at him. Alex just hugged him quickly before taking everything to prepare the BBQ.
Good. I was really excited for the game and those ninety minutes were I was going to forget about everything that was on my mind.
+ + + + +
“YOU f**kING ARSE!! WHAT THE f**k ARE YOU DOING!?” I screamed at the top of my lungs and ready to throw everything at the telly, including one of the boys. The closest one was Louis, and probably he felt the danger of being closer to me because he put some distance between us.
I hated when Manchester played like that, always at the back, defending, defending and nothing else. Come on! They had to look for those goals if they wanted to win. Stupid team! What was wrong with them that day? Were they trying to copy Chelsea? This wasn’t like them; they always play to win. What was happening?
“Oh for the love of Loki! You can’t do that!” I screamed one more time, almost pulling my hair out and I heard someone giggling.
I looked at my left and there was Alex. All the rest were as desperate as I was and it was because my excitement at games always got to others. It was inevitable. Even Alex, who normally didn’t care a bit for football games, was all animated in this occasion.
“LOKI!” she screamed and giggled again. Yeah, she was giggling because we all had a few drinks more than we needed. “WHERE IS MY THOR!?” And she started to laugh like a hyena.
One of the things we had in common was our immeasurable love for The Avengers and for two particular Asgardians. I had to admit I had a slightly obsession with Loki and Tom Hiddleston, whilst Alex just was completely obsessed with Thor and Chris Hemsworth.
The rest of the guys just looked at us like we were crazy when we both just screamed of sheer excitement. And by scream I meant squeak like crazy people. If there was someone who could understand my love for the movie and those characters, it had to be Alex. And Moni. Sure, the day the brunette knew Alex also loved Thor, there was going to be war.
“Loki and Thor need to show them how to be men and play decently to these f**king twats!” I screamed holding Alex’s hand whilst the others were still laughing at us.
“You tell them, girl!” She replied with a horrible American accent.
“I never thought someone could get as excited as Alex for The Avengers,” Belle mused, being the calmest of our group.
I laughed and for the corner of my eye I saw Zayn’s smile and that ruined my mood, because I knew what he was thinking, how he was seeing the whole situation. He just saw how much I resembled Alex.
I didn’t want to think of that, I didn’t want to let Zayn and his inability to see me ruin a perfectly good game, so I focused again at the screen and, oh no, again! They missed another opportunity! “OH FOR f**k’S SAKE! You can’t be that stupid and keep breathing! ARGH!” I screamed again, my voice louder than any other although they were all screaming, too. I had good lungs although I smoked a lot. It was due to my capacity to scream so loud that my doctor didn’t believe I smoked as much as I did.
It was evident I was very passionate regarding football, but that was one of the things it made it so fun for to others to watch a game with me. For example, all the guys were laughing at me and screaming as much as I did.
We kept watching the game and luckily for everyone, my team —yes, because Manchester was my team— won, otherwise there would have happened bad things in this world. Luckily, Manchester recovered and went back to their brilliant style.
Everyone was still so excited due to all the emotions of the game and it was pretty late, but I felt like I could just jump up and down for hours. Okay, maybe not that, but everyone got the idea. “We need to celebrate,” I stated and everyone looked at me agreeing immediately. Louis ran to the kitchen and went back with a whole pack of beers.
“For Manchester!” He cheered after everyone grabbed a bottle.
“For Manchester, the best team ever!” I cried out and everyone joined to my scream.
We stayed at Alex’s house for a while, drinking and having fun, laughing and commenting the game. I was so into the conversation with Niall that I even forgot about Zayn and all the things that I had felt that day with him.
“You’re amazing!” Harry complimented. He was quite drunk and was leaning on me, chuckling at almost everything. “I like you. Why didn’t Alex introduce you to us before? Bad Alex, bad!”
“‘Cos we were busy during summer and it’s really hard for you to have free time like this weekend, oh-you-international-super-star,” she defended herself throwing her hands in the air.
“Pff, excuses, excuses,” Harry waved his hand dismissively, like resting importance to what she said. Alex stuck her tongue out at him and focused on Niall who was laughing hysterically. “Now we’re friends and you have to hang out with us more! We’re gonna invite you to all our parties! Right, Boo Bear?” The curly-haired boy asked Louis who nodded enthusiastically. “See? Everyone loves you here!”
I laughed at his statement but in fact everyone, weirdly, seemed to like me because all they agreed with Harry. Well, that was really sweet of them.
For some reason, my eyes looked for Zayn’s and he was staring at me, his expression a mixture between agreement, concentration and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I found myself wondering if he really wanted meto hang out more with them.
We broke eye contact because my phone started to ring with a McFly song, which could only mean Moni was calling me. I took it off my pocket and answered. “What’s up?”
“Are you sober?” She asked and I chuckled. “Do you need me to pick you up?”
I looked up to the clock on the wall and saw it was almost midnight. “Yeah, I think it’s time. Are you done with your paper?”
“Yeah. After I finished it I just decided to watch telly. Nothing good, I must say,” I laughed. Moni never watched television and when she did, there was never something worth watching. Poor girl. “I’ll be there like in twenty minutes.”
“See ya soon. I love you!” I screamed at the phone with an annoying tone and she replied with the same one. We both laughed before hanging up, then I saw the rest’s expressions. “Moni. She’s coming for me,” I told them and they nodded.
“You’re leaving?” Zayn asked and I looked at him surprised. Why did he sound like he didn’t want me to leave?
When they were screaming for The Avengers, something odd happened. Normally I enjoyed looking at Alex, her reactions and the way she acted, so carefree, so energetic, so full of life. It was something I couldn’t help, to watch her being herself. But that day, with Mila next to her, my attention was dragged to the shorter girl, the one with the glasses, a stronger personality and impressive lungs. I still couldn’t believe how something as petite as Mila could scream that loud.
Mila… what did she have that made me look at her like there was no one else in the room? Even Alex was out of focus when I was watching Mila. Maybe it was her smile so bright and warm, or maybe it was that power that you could feel radiating from her small body, or maybe it was that look that seemed to see right through your barriers and into your soul. Mila’s eyes had something special, a captivating brightness that kept me coming back o them over and over again.
I was enjoying looking at her, learning more about those little things like how when she pretended to cry she ran all her fingers over her face and her little hands looked so cute over her cheeks. Or like she hated when someone touched her hair, something that Louis learned the bad way when he was trying to be friendly so he stroked her hair and she just hit him in the guts.
“She’s nice,” Harry commented resting his weight on my shoulder. I looked up at him and he was smiling whilst looking at Mila and Niall still commenting one moment of the game. Alex was next to them, grinning and playing with the blond’s hair. “You should tell her she’s great and we all should be friends forever!” He added faster than usual what meant he was already drunk. Well, we all were a tad bit tipsy.
“No!” I replied quickly. “Why would I do that? She doesn’t like me,” I reminded him looking into his green eyes.
“Rubbish! I bet she likes you, too,” Harry mused and after a couple of seconds, he stood straight. “In fact, I’m gonna tell her what you can’t ‘cos you’re a pu**y! Ha, pu**y!” And he left, laughing at himself. I just stayed there looking at the scene where Harry promised to invite her all the time to all our parties. I couldn’t complain, the idea of having her around made me… happy.
In a moment her eyes met mine and I held her gaze, looking right into those chocolate eyes. My mind went blank, there was nothing else but what I could see and that was her, just her.
Probably we could have stayed like that for a long time, but she broke contact when her phone went off and she held a conversation with who had to be Moni, her friend. After she hung up she let us know that she was leaving, that Moni was coming to pick her up and I couldn’t stop myself.
“You’re leaving?” I asked as if ‘Moni. She’s coming for me’ wasn’t enough to understand that she was indeed leaving. After all, it was late.
She met my gaze looking surprised and a bit confused, probably it was due to my reaction but I didn’t want her to leave yet. I wanted to talk to her, maybe make her like me so we could be friends, but I hadn’t talked to her since that moment in the kitchen and I didn’t want her to go without trying to talk to her again. I wanted to know if she felt this weird thing when we hugged or if she couldn’t stop thinking of me.
“Oh,” was all what I could say. I got a few confused looks, Mila’s above all the others, but I didn’t quite care in that moment, I just felt like I had something to say, something to tell her, but I couldn’t find the words.
“When are we going to see you again?” Harry asked, one of the many questions I had inside but I couldn’t utter.
“Oh, I dunno, so many things for Uni, but hopefully I’ll see you all soon,” she replied with a warm smile and I grinned. I wanted to see her again, and soon.
By when she went, I realised something: Mila intrigued me, she made me feel many new and unknown things with just one look and I wanted to get to know her better.
+ + + + +
“Zayn, you okay, mate?” I heard after I saw a hand snapping its fingers practically in my nose. I shook my head and blinked rapidly as I dragged myself back from the place I was, deeply lost in my thoughts.
“Yeah, perfectly okay,” I replied to Liam who was the one snapping his fingers in front of me. All the lads were wearing worried expressions and I smiled to put them at ease. I was okay, I was just too immersed in my own thoughts and I forgot where I was or what I was supposed to do.
Slowly I started to realise where I was and to remember the aim of us being in a van in the middle of the morning on a Monday. We had this signing at a music store to promote our new single. “You don’t seem okay,” Liam stated still looking at me. Clearly, the smile didn’t work.
“Sorry, I was thinking.”
Yeah, I was thinking and contrasting many things in my mind and I couldn’t help to zone out when I got that concentrated. In my mind I had two women and even when I knew it wasn’t right to compare them, I couldn’t help it. Mila and Alex were similar in many aspects, but they were so different at the same time and I was trying to find all those difference that make them so unique.
It was incredible how I just couldn’t stop thinking of Mila since I met her that last Friday. Sometimes it was because I wanted to think of her, sometimes she just flashed before my eyes with a memory of something that had happened, or because something just reminded me of her.
What I liked the most about the short dark-haired girl was that she treated me like any other guy. She disliked me! She absolutely didn’t care that I was in an internationally famous pop band, or the fact that there were thousand of girls asking me to marry them. It was the same thing that Alex did when we met her and that made her so refreshing. The only difference was that Alex liked me since the beginning and it was really easy to become friends, whilst with Mila it seemed like an impossible mission.
“Thinking of what?” Harry asked very slowly, slower than usual because he was still very sleepy. I didn’t know how it was possible that I was awake.
“Or should I say thinking of whom?” Louis added with a cheeky smile and wiggling his eyebrows. I immediately felt a little warmth in my cheeks and probably I was blushing. Just great.
Liam raised both eyebrows and Louis just laughed knowing that he had caught me. “My business,” I replied focusing my attention on the street and the blurry landscape.
“Zayn has a crush!” Louis said in a sing-sang voice and I wanted to throw something at him, even more when he repeated that over and over again. Man, that boy could be annoying sometimes.
“Are you talking about my friend Mila?” Harry asked not too into the conversation. He needed to finish waking up. “She’s my friend! We’re besties now. I even have her number.” I opened my eyes surprised. I didn’t know when she gave him her number and a part of me, a very bitter part, wondered if it was because the short girl had a special interested in the curly boy.
“Uuhhh, Zayn is jealous! Look at him, look at him!” Louis teased again and I groaned. What was wrong with him that day? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?
Niall was cracking up at us and Liam had a smile on his face looking amused, Harry on the other hand looked at me with his signature cheeky smile. “Is Boo Bear right? Do you have a crush on my lovely friend Mila?” For some reason, it really annoyed me that he couldn’t stop calling her “my friend”, like it was his property. She wasn’t.
“Of course not! And I don’t have a crush on her,” I replied sternly. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Harry, waiting for a kind of explanation even though I didn’t know why I wanted that.
“Oh, Alex is gonna be disappointed. She practically dreams with the two of you getting together. She told me that she… uh… let me remember what she said,” Niall spoke calling our attention. “Hmm, she said she shipped the two of you though I’m not quite sure what that means and she also said your were her new OTP, then she ran away with my food,” the blond told us and I didn’t know whether to roll my eyes or call someone for help. That didn’t make any sense to me.
“What, in the name of God, is an OTP?” Liam asked as confused as me. Niall just shrugged. I knew I had seen or hear that word before, but I couldn’t remember what it meant. But that didn’t matter, the fact that Alex seemed so eager to see Mila and I together really surprised me. Yes, I knew she had set us up because she expected we could get along and maybe I could get over her, but I didn’t know that she wantedus to be together. I just thought she wanted me to finally forget about her.
“She told me something, but I can’t remember,” the Irish boy stated shrugging again. “I can call her and ask her.”
“No!” Louis and Harry shouted at the same time. “If you call her you won’t hung up in like forever and we have the signing,” Harry added and Niall actually pouted because they didn’t allow him to call Alex.
I was just surprised that my mind almost didn’t register the fact of Niall talking about Alex with that tone and that dreamy look that, incredibly, still remained in him after more than two months since they got together. I normally immediately noticed the change in Niall’s eyes and voice when he talked or even thought of Alex and it never failed to hurt me, but that day that little pain and jealousy in my chest didn’t bother me greatly. Yes, surely it was there but I was more concerned about the fact that Alex wanted Mila and I to get together. Why would she want that? I mean, besides the fact that with that all the little issues between us would be finally over?
The lads totally forgot about their questioning and left me alone with my thoughts. I started to wonder if I was overthinking things. I felt like I was doing that but I couldn’t be at ease if I didn’t have clear everything in my mind. Probably I should talk to Alex about it, but I didn’t want her to think something that it wasn’t accurate, like I actually had a crush on Mila when I didn’t have one.
I wrote Harry Potter fan fictions during my spare time and it took me a couple of years to overcome my fears and publish online. I have my readers, I have my friends and I loved to read all the reviews they left for me on each chapter. It was always rewarding to read their words and it helped me a lot with my insecurities, but despite that, it was still hard for me to like what I wrote.
“Thanks,” I mumbled taking the mug and focusing on the screen of my macbook again. The cursor was there, flashing and pressuring me to write. I only had two paragraphs and I’d been writing like for an hour. Yeah, I was a slow writer.
“How are you doing?” She asked taking a seat next to me in my chair. She had her own mug with black tea in her hands. Her eyes examined the page and the two lame paragraphs I had written, her expression very careful and serious.
Moni was the only one I trusted enough to see my drafts and to give me an honest opinion about what I did. She would tell me all the mistakes I made and if what I wrote was rubbish or not. If it was, she would help me to write something better.
“I’m stuck. I swear I can’t write. I have everything here in my mind but I can’t put it into words!” I cried out so exasperated for the whole situation. I had been looking at the screen for twenty minutes already.
“First off, relax. You can write this and so far is great, though I feel like you are not connecting with Draco like you normally do. Maybe you need to go out, you know? Take a break or something,” she suggested and I just sighed as I took a sip of my tea.
“I already smoke two cigarettes. I don’t know what’s keeping me from writing,” I mused still looking at the damn cursor. “I should quit on writing and Uni and go and live under a bridge. Yes, that’s a good idea. I’m gonna do that— Oi! That hurts,” I cried out.
“That’s for saying stupid shit. I will burn down any bridge you choose. You won’t quit writing nor Uni. Got it? Now, we have to do something about this.” I looked at her with my poker face. I couldn’t think of anything, which was why I couldn’t write. My mind was blank, like all the little Milas in there had gone on strike and refused to work for me.
“Okay, let’s talk this out. Where do you want to go with the story?” Moni asked. She did the same every time I was suck with one of my stories. She just kept asking question, making me excited for the things to come and that normally worked. Not that day.
“I know where I want to go, I know what I want to write but I just can’t!” I blurted out. Frustration was eating me alive.
She just looked at me for a couple of seconds then turned to face my laptop and just closed it. “Okay, if this isn’t working, then we have to do something else. I vote for watching a DVD of certain band that we both love that starts with ‘M’ and ends with ‘cFly’,” she stated and I chuckled knowing how much Moni loved the McFly DVD. I couldn’t remember how many times we had watched that, I lost track after a hundred.
“I don’t wanna do that,” I complained and she looked at me with a shocked expression, like I just had said a blasphemy. In her world, in fact it was. “Sorry, but I’m not in the mood for anything.”
“Could that be because you miss you new friend Zayn?” She asked waggling her eyebrows and I almost choked on my tea. Moni laughed out loud at my reaction and she was about to fall from the chair. That would have been fair.
“Oh, come on. You get all moody when we listen to a song of One Direction and it’s obvious because you couldn’t hang out with them the last weeks,” she teased me whilst elbowing me in the ribs.
“Shut up!” I yelled.
It had been almost three weeks since I officially met them and Alex and Harry had asked me to hang out with them many times, but we were in mid-terms and I had many things to do. Even if I wanted, I couldn’t go and forget about my responsibilities. My career was first. Always. And maybe all the stress for Uni and the fact that I couldn’t go out with friends added to my bad humour and writer’s block, I didn’t miss Zayn. Why would I miss a boy that didn’t see the real me? Why would I miss a boy that only saw the reflection of another person? Why would I miss a boy that was in love with one of my friends? Why? The fact that I had him stuck in my head didn’t mean I missed him.
Alex wasn’t my best friend, but we were pretty close. We got that close when she broke up with Niall after she came back from the tour they went on together, and we kept hanging out after they got back together. I could guess it was because she needed someone who didn’t know Niall during that hard time she went through, someone who could help her to forget about that a bit and I was that person. We did many things that brought us together and though I loved her so much, I didn’t like to be compared to her. I didn’t like to be compared to anyone. I was my own self.
And talking about the Devil, my phone rang with that annoying sound like a bird and I glared at Moni murderously. I was damn tired of that sound but, for some stupid and incomprehensible reason, she loved it and changed it all the time. She just giggled and kissed my cheek.
I took my phone and saw I had two new iMessages. Thank God for that service, otherwise I would ran out of messages on the second day of each month. It was incredible the amount of crap we could send to each other with Moni and now with Harry. That boy was addicted to send me pictures all the time, about everything. Why was he so hipster?
I’m gonna miss u!!!! —Harreh (my favourite one)
That was one of the messages and I didn’t understand why he was going to miss me. I thought he always missed me. That was what he always told me.
How is that chapter going on? Phebs says you better hurry up —Alex
Phebs, the only one I still didn’t officially meet, was one of my readers according to what Alex had told me and if she was the same Phoebe I thought, I loved her comments and her face that I still didn’t know.
I replied to both of them, to Alex saying that I was in a writer’s block and that Phebs should be patient and to Harry asking why he was going to miss me. Soon I got a sad face as an answer from Alex and an explanation from Harry.
‘Cos we’re going to America for a couple of weeks and I wanted to see u! Will u come to say gb to us at the airport? —Harreh (my favourite one)
So they were leaving. I knew I wasn’t going to see them probably in a long time, but for some reason I felt slightly disappointed and a tad bit sad. That I couldn’t see them because I was busy was one thing, but that I couldn’t see them because they weren’t in the country was very different.
I haven’t seen them, yes, but I talked to them quite a lot. Mostly Harry and Liam —he was such a sweet boy, he brought up my nice side—, but I grew to like them all as a group and I was into their music more than before. Since I knew them, it felt completely different to listen to songs such as What Makes You Beautiful or One Thing. With Moni we used to listen to their album when cleaning the flat or doing other stuff. It always pumped us up.
I replied asking for when they were leaving and how could I manage to say goodbye. Moni was reading my texts and asked me to tell Harry she sent him love, too.
Tell her to come with u too! And u could go with Alex —Harreh (My favourite one)
I replied to him that I was going to talk to Alex and then I just dialled her number. Moni was looking at me all the time with a weird expression that I didn’t bother to try to decipher, I just focused on the calling tone and waited until my friend would pick up.
“Milaaaaaaa!” Alex said over the phone in a sing-sang voice. “Phebs is screaming here saying that she will die if you don’t get over your block soon. She’s literally on the bed crying against the pillow,” she told me and I giggled. Maybe it was my fault, I left the last chapter with such a terrible cliff-hanger. Moni told me I was being mean but, well, I liked to be mean sometimes. I liked to make Loki proud.
“Tell her I’m sorry and that we’re working here for her,” was my reply and I heard my friend laughing. “Hey, Alex, I was calling you for another reason. You see, Harry told me they are leaving for a couple of weeks.”
“Yes, they’ll be back before winter’s break,” she added and I smiled. It wasn’t for too long after all. Almost a month and for some reason, that put me in a better mood.
“Well, Harry asked us to go to say goodbye at the airport and told me that I should go with you,” I told her and waited for her answer.
“Oh, yeah! I know Paul and all the other security members. They like me a lot ‘cos I give them chocolate,” Alex spoke and I laughed to myself. I could see her bribing all the security guys so they would like her better. “They won’t make any fuss if I’m with you two. I’m glad Moni is coming, too!”
Moni overheard that and smiled then mouthed: ‘everyone loves me!’ I just giggled as I poked her in her side and as she was so ticklish, she screamed and fell to the floor. Mission accomplished. “What was that?” Alex asked from the other side of the end.
“Moni falling to the floor,” I replied calmly. It was incredible how many times my friend ended on the floor. “She’ll be fine, she’s used to that. So, what time should we be at your home to go to the airport?” I asked before Moni would get up and seek for revenge.
“Oh, just tomorrow at midnight. They are leaving pretty late so no many fans would be at the airport and things can be smoother. Are you okay with that?”
“Sure. We’re used to go to bed almost at three every day and tomorrow is Friday so it will be fine. See ya tomorrow, then,” I said and waited for her goodbye before hanging up.
Moni was sat on the floor, legs crossed and looking at me with an evil grin. I frowned a bit, waiting for her pay back or any move against me. I couldn’t do anything to her without getting something back. “Are you conscious you’re gonna see your dear Zayn tomorrow?”
I froze. For a moment I forgot that with Harry it was going to be Zayn and I didn’t know how to feel about it. I still was mad at him for not seeingme, but at the same time I kind of wanted to seehim.
“Shut up! Why do you always tease me with him?” I complained.
“Because of reasons. I will download cheesy music to play out loud when you two say goodbye to each other. It’s gonna be such an emotional moment! Maybe I’ll need tissues or—” I cut her off by throwing at her the first thing I was at my reach: my box of tissues. “Oi! Wait…. Thanks, I’m gonna use these tomorrow.” I groaned as she just laughed at me. My best friend was such a bully sometimes.
“Zayn, I have good news for you, lovely little boy!” He literally shouted that at my face and then he took my sandwich and bit it. The bastard bit it. My masterpiece, eaten by that curly little piece of shit!
“Harry! That’s my sandwich! Give it back,” I yelled taking the sandwich from his hands and the curly-haired boy pouted, but I wasn’t going to give in, it was my food and I felt worse than Niall that day: I didn’t share food. Not that day, at least. “And what are your good news?” I asked, finally, giving the first bite.
“Oh, right.” Silly boy, he had forgotten about his incredible news when he saw my masterpiece. I didn’t blame him, it was an incredible sandwich with almost everything I found in my fridge. And I just did the groceries the day before. “Guess who is going to say goodbye to us at the airport?” He asked and I cocked my head to my right, thinking for a moment. “No, I’ll tell you!” Harry cut off my train of thoughts. “Mila! You will see her again. You’re welcome.”
I just froze there, looking at him in disbelief. He didn’t miss the chance to steal my sandwich again, but this time I didn’t fight for it, I just could only think of what he said. I hadn’t seen Mila since that day in Alex’s house, though we all invited her to hang out with us many times, but she never could make it and I couldn’t help feeling disappointed. Plus, Harry didn’t stop talking to her, all the time. There wasn’t a day where he didn’t say something like ‘Oh, I have to send this to Mila’, or ‘Mila will love this!’. It was annoying and it always put me in a bad mood.
For some reason, knowing that she was going to be at the airport to say goodbye got me really excited. I felt like I was looking forward that moment now. I didn’t even care that she was going because Harry probably asked her to, I was just glad that I was going to see her. Why? I didn’t know.
Probably it was because when she was around or when someone mentioned her, I didn’t feel hurt for Alex and Niall. When she was around I didn’t care so much for Alex, and I liked that feeling. Her presence helped me to forget about how hard it was to see my best mate with the girl I wanted for me.
“Come again?” I asked whilst Harry was almost finishing with my sandwich.
“What I said. Are you deaf? When did this happen?” I just rolled my eyes at his silly comments and waited not so patiently. “Mila, well Mila and Moni to be precise, are coming to the airport with Alex, Phebs and Belle to say goodbye. I thought you might wanna see her before going to America. Now a thank you will be highly appreciated.” And the sandwich was totally gone. But again, I didn’t care about my masterpiece, I only cared about what Harry said.
“Why would you do that for me? I thought Mila was your friend, nor mine.”
“Pff, Zayn, please. You don’t fool me, mate. I see your face every time I tell all of you that she can’t make it and after that you’re all moody. More than usual. I just assumed that seeing her before leaving would put you in a better mood,” he explained and my mouth flew open. I didn’t think it was noticeable what I felt every time he told me Mila couldn’t make it, I thought that no one noticed it all, but I was wrong. Did the other lads know about this, too? “When are you going to admit that you fancy her? You practically jump every time you hear her name.”
“I don’t fancy her,” I replied for like the millionth time that week. Well, since we met her in fact. Harry was just obsessed with the idea that I fancied Mila when it wasn’t the case. It obviously was because I was still —even if this shouldn’t be like this— crazy about Alex. How could I fancy Mila when I couldn’t stop wishing to be Niall?
Every time Alex talked about this I couldn’t stop wondering if Mila knew that her friend practically dreamt with us being together. Once I asked Alex why she wanted us to be together when we hardly knew each other and it was clear that Mila didn’t like me at all, in fact, she found me quite annoying.
“‘Cos I see something that you don’t. Stop asking now! Believe me when I say you two belong together!” Was her answer. What did she see? I would never know.
“Keep telling that to yourself, but we all know it’s not true. Someday you’ll accept it, though,” Harry carried on rolling his eyes and waving dismissingly.
“And what are you gonna get from that, Styles? Mila can’t see my face without wanting to throw something at me,” I reminded him. Yes, I was exaggerating, Mila didn’t hate me but I knew she kind of despised my existence.
“That’s another thing you say to yourself to sleep at night, but we know better, Malik,” he looked at me raising both eyebrows and a cocky smirk when he said my last name. “She doesn’t hate you and most certainly she won’t throw something at your face. She knows that fans will kill her if something happen to you and she’s clever.”
I couldn’t help chuckle at his comment. “So if I weren’t famous, she would absolutely throw something at my face?” I asked still smiling.
“Probably a table,” he mused and I just burst into a fit of laughter. Lucky me I was famous, then. “Okay, I gotta go, need to pack for tomorrow. You better be all smiley when you see my friend Mila, got it?” Harry waited for me to nod, stood up and walked away, but before he disappeared completely, I called him.
“Hey, Harry. How did you get in?” I asked him and I heard his laughter from the living room.
“We all have a key,” and then I heard the door closing.
+ + + + +
“Wify!” Louis screamed as he started running towards the group of girls who were led by Paul.
“Get away from her! She’s my girlfriend and I’m not okay with polygamy!” Niall shouted running after Louis as fast as he could to get first to Alex. I saw the girl laughing and opening her arms for the first boy, tough probably she was going to avoid Louis in the last minute and go directly to Niall. It had happened before.
They played a whole scene, Niall and Louis fighting over Alex whilst all the other girls looked at them amused, but my whole attention was on the shortest of the group. She looked just as I remembered: same lovely smile, same long black curly hair, same brown eyes, and same pale skin. Just the same and I felt like I’d never seen her before. I also felt the ends of my mouth curling up in a smile and I just wanted to walk towards her and say hello.
“Mila!” Harry called the short girl from behind me and soon he walked past me and went to her to give her a huge hug. “I’m glad you could make it!” He said lifting her. Mila was laughing and hugged him back and I felt this bitterness in the pit of my stomach spreading to the rest of my body.
Soon all the other lads walked towards the girls and greeted them, but I stayed behind, my eyes glued on Mila and Harry who seemed so happy to see each other. I didn’t want to think this, but I couldn’t help myself, I couldn’t help notice that it seemed like they always preferred the other boys over me. Always. Why no one of that group seemed truly happy to se me? Even Phebs seemed totally happy next to Liam.
Till a few weeks ago, I felt like she was the only one who could understand how I felt, because she loved Liam but he didn’t feel the same way towards her, as it happened with Alex and I. But the blonde met a bloke in the university more than a month ago and now they were dating after he begged her many times. We still didn’t know him, we only knew Phebs really liked him and that she was finally moving on from Liam. She had promised that she was going to introduce him to us soon, by the time we would get back from America.
“Zayn,” Belle called me and just then I could take my eyes off of Harry and Mila. I shook my head and focused on the girl calling my name. “What are you doing there? Come here!” And I obeyed, but whilst I was walking, I took another glance at Mila and Harry and my eyes met hers for a couple of seconds.
She smiled at me.
With that simple thing, just with her smile, I forgot that she was in Harry’s arms, I forgot that I was walking towards Belle. I could only notice that she smiled at me without any anger or hate, just a simple, warm and friendly smile. And that smile brushed away all that bitterness it was growing on me.
“You okay, sweetie?” Belle asked when I finally got to her and I had to make an effort to look at her and break the eye contact with Mila.
“Yes, absolutely fine. Thanks for coming,” I told her with a smile. It was close to two am but they were all there just to say goodbye. Eleanor and Danielle couldn’t make it because they had work to do the next day.
“Of course, we wanted to wish you good luck before leaving.”
“And I’m waiting for you to go to Mila and hug her so I can play the music I prepared for this moment. Please, if you can go in slow motion, it would be terrific,” Moni commented and I just could look at her without understanding a thing. “What are you waiting for? Go, steal her from that curly boy! Fight for her!”
I was astonished. What was wrong with her? She kept staring at me, waiting for me to do something but I didn’t understand. What was she talking about?
Belle burst out laughing and I grew more confused. “Moni, please, don’t confuse these boys,” the black-haired girl asked and the brunette just shrugged wearing an angelic expression, like a kid who pretended that he didn’t break the vase with flowers.
“Okay, but seriously, go! Don’t let Harry monopolise her,” the brunette told me. I wondered why would she like me to go to Mila. Was she also like Alex who believed Mila and I should get together? Or did she know something else? I felt a knot in my stomach tensing at that thought. Moni was Mila’s best friend, if there was someone who knew the short girl, it was the crazy brunette.
I stayed there for a couple of seconds more before walking towards Harry and Mila who were talking again, oblivious to the rest. “Hi, Mila,” I said interrupting in their conversation.
She turned around and her eyes immediately met mine and she gave me another smile, but this one had a tint of shyness, what only made her look adorable. “Hi there, Zayn,” she replied without breaking the eye contact.
I didn’t know when Harry left us alone nor when Moni started playing the cheesy music.
MILA ( POV)
When we got to the airport and after meeting with Paul, we were led to where the lads were and the first thing I saw, was Louis and Niall running towards Alex, fighting over who had the right to be with her and hug her. I laughed at their silliness until I saw a Harry running towards me. He hugged me like we were child friends who hadn’t seen each other in years.
“I’m glad you could make it!” He told me still hugging me. I was laughing and hugging him back. “I wanted to see you before disappearing for a month. We’re gonna Skype, right?”
“Sure. You have to tell me how everything is going, but try not to sent to many pictures,” I teased him and he just smiled cockily.
“How are your finals going?” He asked looking intently into my eyes. Sometimes his stare was too intense.
“Dunno yet. I still have so many papers to hand in. My brain is melting already,” I replied with a smile of my own.
“You’re gonna do it great! I just know it.” My smile grew bigger at his words. It was always good to have someone that trusted in you and who told you that you could do it.
We stayed there talking about nothing important, just catching up a bit though we talked almost everyday and sometimes even more. We were messaging each other all the time. God bless iMessage. I would be totally broke without it. For being such a huge popstar, Harry had a lot of time to send pointless and stupid messages.
I didn’t notice Zayn had approached until I heard his voice and turned around to see him. His smile was so sweet and a bit shy, like he wasn’t sure of what to do and I found that so cute I wanted to scream. Yeah, weird reactions I had from time to time. But Zayn had something when he smiled that lighted up all his features and I knew he was attractive when I met him —I wasn’t blind, for Loki’s sake— but when he smiled he was ten times hotter.
Whilst our drive to the airport, I decided that I was going to be nice to him, I was going to put aside all my negative thoughts about him and his inability to see me. He was leaving the country for several weeks, the least I could do was to be nice. Plus, if I could forget about his self-centred personality and his kind of obsession with Alex, I thought we could be great friends. For what Harry had told me during the last weeks we’d been talking, I knew Zayn was a nice and fun boy. At least, that was what it seemed.
“Hi there, Zayn,” I replied with a smile of my own and I hardly noticed when Harry left us alone there. To be honest, I didn’t care. Something wrong was happening to me because I couldn’t stop looking at Zayn, the way his eyes smiled at me too, how those thick and curly eyelashes framed his eyes making them so damn beautiful. Though I always found coloured eyes more beautiful, I had to admit that this boy had incredible, stunning eyes.
“Long time no see,” Zayn spoke up, our eyes still in this intense hold. “How’ve you been?”
“Really busy. Uni is killing me but I love it all the way,” I replied honestly. Yeah, it was really exhausting to study Literature, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. It was my passion, after all.
“I can imagine. By the way, you never told me what are you studying.” That was right, the only one I’ve talked to about that was Liam and a bit to Harry, but he was more interested in other kind of activities of mine.
“Literature. If I wanna be a good writer I have to know about literature and the masters, right?” He looked surprised and I wondered what he thought I was studying. “Did you expect me to study another thing?”
“For some reason I saw you as a lawyer,” replied the black-haired boy and I raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t the first to assume that and I could be a good lawyer, but I wasn’t going to sell my soul. If I couldn’t choose all my cases, then I wasn’t going to be part of that system. Alhough I really loved knowing about laws and new issues in the world. That was me, always needing to know something new.
I laughed a bit before answering, “I considered to be a lawyer for a while, but then I realised I just couldn’t. I wanna be a writer.”
He nodded understanding and for some reason I felt like I could keep talking to him about the topic, that he would listen to me carefully without judgement. I loved to talk about literature and my passion about it and it frustrated me when people didn’t understand it, when they thought of it as just books. It was more, so much more. That was one of the reasons why I put so much distance between my family and I, because they never understood that important part of me.
“I love writing, though I’m very insecure about it and never like what I do, but publishing online it really helps. I just need to get the courage to show my manuscripts to some editor.”
“You already write? That’s incredible! I’d love to read something of your work,” he said and I raised my other eyebrow.
“Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll tell you where you can find one of my stories,” I said with a mysterious tone. Or that was what I tried to do, not sure if it worked.
Zayn just smiled and we stayed like that for a little while until someone put his hand over Zayn’s shoulder and popped his curly-haired head between us. “Sorry for interrupt, but you know that we can’t stay like this forever. Move your butt, Zayn!” Harry demanded and then he looked at me and winked. “Having fun?” He asked and I felt my cheeks burning.
“Shut up!” I snapped at him and I could see Zayn looking at us a tad bit confused.
“Oh, before I forget it. Do you have plans for these holidays?” The curly boy asked and I frowned a tad bit.
“Isn’t too soon to be asking that? We’re not even in December yet,” I replied as he put his arm around Zayn’s shoulder as trying to keep him there. “And to answer your question: no, I don’t have plans.”
Normal Uni students went to their parents’ houses. Moni and I, on the other hand, tried to avoid our families as much as possible. Yeah, it was holidays; you were supposed to be with your family, but who wanted to be in a house where at the end everything was going to end in a fight? Not me, definitely and I knew my best friend didn’t want that either. Probably we were going to stay in our flat, having dinner or something nice and exchanging presents the next morning. That was what we did last year.
I chuckled at his statement and pondered his offer. Definitely, it sounded better than my plan of staying at home just Moni and I, but we didn’t know them that much. Yes, I talked to Harry all the time, but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t know if I could cope with five boys for a week.
“Moni said that she’ll go if you say yes. Please, pretty please, say yes! We’re gonna have so much fun. Tell her, Zayn!” Harry turned to face Zayn who just looked amused, but at that question his little smile disappeared and he focused on me. I felt that everything froze for those seconds he looked into my eyes and I wondered if we were in silence as much as it seemed for me.
“We had fun the last time we went,” he said slowly, his eyes still glued on me.
I felt like he was finally seeing me. I felt like he was looking at Mila, not at Alex’s friend, someone who resembled her but wasn’t her. But probably he wasn’t. Probably he was still seeing that girl who reminded him of the girl he liked.
Why, in name of Loki, did it hurt that much? Why did it fill me with anger knowing that he was crazy about my friend? I didn’t want him feeling like that for me, and I most certainly didn’t feel anything romantic related towards him, towards a boy who was head over heels for Alex.
“You should come,” he added a few seconds later, his stare so intense and I felt my heart hammering in my ribcage.
“I dunno…” I mumbled in the same moment Liam joined us, his arm over my shoulders and his puppy smile plastered on his face.
“Dunno what?” He asked before giving me a kiss in my temple. “Hi! I haven’t greeted you properly yet. Harry and Zayn were monopolising you. How are you, babe?” He asked with his sweet tone and without losing his smile.
Liam was such a cutie. He seemed the kind of guy who would never do anything wrong, he seemed the kind of guy that helped everyone all the time just because he wanted to do something good, never expecting something in return. And as usual, he brought up my sweetest side. Yes, I had one. He just had this problem where he calls everyone babe.
“I’m fine,” I replied with a smile and my sweetest tone. “And Harry invited me to spend holidays with you all, guys but I don’t know if I—”
“You totally should!” He cut me off really excited. “We’re gonna have so much fun! The more, the merrier, right? Plus, as Danielle can’t go, Phebs and Alex might feel alone and they absolutely will need more feminine company,” reasoned the brunet with a bright smile and I almost gave in.
I took another glimpse at Zayn and he was looking at us so intently and I really wanted to know what was crossing his mind in that moment. The black-haired boy was competing with Harry and his intense stares, though the curly-haired boy was currently looking at us with a goofy smile, waiting for me to say yes.
I looked for Moni a few feet away talking to Louis, Alex, Belle, Phebs and Niall about I didn’t know what, but she felt me because she turned her head to look at me and I saw her amused smile. She probably understood why I was looking for her eyes because she nodded and gave me a thumbs-up.
“I guess it’d be fun,” I mumbled, still not convinced.
“So you are in?” Harry wanted to be sure and I kind of smiled at him.
“Yes, I’m in,” I replied and his smile was so big I thought his face was going to rip into two. Liam hugged me tighter and gave me another kiss, this one on my cheek.
“Yes! We’re gonna have so much fun! You won’t regret it!” He promised shaking Zayn a bit and the black-haired boy just looked like he was waking up from some weird trance.
I hoped he was all right. I didn’t want awkward moments with Zayn nor I wanted to fight with him because he couldn’t see me as the real me. But maybe those days with all of them would help him to accept me, to stop looking at me and wishing to see an Alex who wasn’t in love with Niall.
We reunited with the rest of the group and stayed with the boys for a while until they where called. We gave them hugs and wished them luck. Alex and Niall had their own moment, forgetting about all of us as they shared a passionate kiss and I was about to tell them to get a room, but I let it pass as they were saying goodbye and weren’t going to see each other for a month.
“I’ll see you soon. I’m glad you are coming to Harry’s house too,” Liam told me when it was my turn to say goodbye to Daddy Direction.
“Behave yourself, be a good girl and don’t get into too much trouble while I’m not here. Got it?” was Harry advice and I just laughed in his face. He probably was going to have more problems getting himself out of trouble in America.
“Remember you’re not allowed to drink in America,” I told him and his painful expression was priceless. Then it was Zayn’s turn and, weirdly, he was the only one left to say goodbye. “I’ll see you soon, then,” he stated rather awkwardly I would say. I just nodded as I stepped closer to give him a hug.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to his body as my own arms surrounded his waist and I hid my face in his chest. I didn’t know why but it felt so… so normal to be in his arms.
“See ya soon, Zayn,” I told him stepping back but his hands were still at my sides, gently touching me. He smiled but I saw a shadow crossing his eyes and I didn’t know what it was.
“Bye,” he said as he started walking away with the other lads.
Yes, Mila was being nice at the airport before we had to go, but it was clear that the smiles she gave me weren’t as honest or as bright as the ones she gave to Harry, for instance. I wasn’t saying that I wanted Mila to have a crush on me or something similar, I just wanted someone to like me better and it would be great if it was her, someone as honest as her, someone as different as her, someone so independent as her, someone who could see the real me; but she didn’t like the real me she could see. I knew, I perfectly knew, she could see under the façade I showed to the world, for some reason, she could really see me. She did from the first time, she could see how much I wanted Alex without me saying a thing.
Was I jealous of Harry and Liam who seemed to be so close to Mila? Hell yes I was. I couldn’t help it and I couldn’t lie to myself saying that I wasn’t. That bitterness running through my veins was the same that did every time I saw Niall and Alex together during the tour. I wanted to hug Mila so easily as Liam did. I wanted to laugh with her as Harry did, I wanted to call her and talk to her every day like Harry did. I wanted to be her friend.
Did I want something more? Maybe. I wasn’t sure yet, I just knew I didn’t want her to dislike me.
“You okay, mate? You look down…” Niall asked me, in his hands a big bag of crisps.
I looked at the blond and tried to smile. We were in our way to America for a month and we hadn’t been two hours there yet and I already wanted to go back. I wanted the holidays to come now. It was the first time I wasn’t excited about going to America and I couldn’t stop wondering if it was because of Mila. How much was she affecting me? Why couldn’t I just stop thinking of her?
“Yeah, I was just thinking,” I replied and he narrowed his eyes a bit like trying to see more than what I was showing. He finally sat next to me and I smiled thinking that Liam was going to have to switch seats even if he didn’t want to.
“What were you thinking of?” He asked again and right after he filled his mouth with crisps. “Or should I say whom? I saw you talking to Mila.” He raised an eyebrow and smiled goofily. I immediately felt uncomfortable because I didn’t like people asking me about whom I was thinking of when I wasn’t quite sure about my feelings towards that person. In this case: Mila.
“Seriously, it doesn’t matter,” I insisted but I knew Niall didn’t buy it.
“Do you fancy Mila? I’m asking you this seriously. I won’t tell the lads, I just wanna know,” he said and this time I knew he was being serious but I also understood the real question behind those words. He wanted to know if I finally had moved on from Alex. He wanted to know if I still had feelings for his girlfriend.
Did I still have feelings for Alex? Yes, of course I had. You couldn’t just forget about a person in a matter of days. The difference was in the intensity of my feelings for her. It wasn’t Alex who was on my mind all the time anymore, though I still wanted her, it wasn’t the same anymore and probably it was because of Mila, because now this shorter girl was invading my head.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I answered looking down at my hands on my lap. “I think of her constantly but I don’t know if it is because I fancy her or because I can’t get over the fact she doesn’t like me. I don’t know if it is a pride thing or something else.”
“You know what Alex thinks? ‘Cos she talks about you both a lot lately,” he commented with an amused smile, like he always did when talking about Alex. Even if I wanted to be with Alex, she was better with Niall, she made him so ridiculously happy and I wanted my best mate happy.
“What?” I inquired smiling, too.
“She told me why she set you up with Mila. First off, she loves her and says Mila is a great girl, but she also says that Mila is what you exactly need. I’m not sure about that and when I asked what she meant, she just said that she knew better and that I had to trust her because she could see something I couldn’t. Sometimes Alex likes to speak in riddles and she confuses me,” he mused and I chuckled slightly. I didn’t think that was something strictly related to Alex, I thought all women liked to speak in riddles to confuse us men.
I couldn’t stop wondering what Alex saw and why she believed Mila was what I needed. But it kind of relieved me that she set us up in that blind that because she truly believe we could be together and not just because she pitied me and wanted me to meet someone to forget about her.
“Not only you, mate. She confuses me too! Now, how am I supposed to know what she meant with that? Why would Mila be what I need?” I told Niall with my own smile.
The blond laughed as he ate more crisps. “Maybe we’ll know soon, right? After all, we’re gonna spend holidays with Mila, too, and maybe we can make Alex talk.”
And right there I wanted again, even more, these four weeks to fly by. I wanted to be at Harry’s bungalow already.
+ + + + +
“That was bl**dy amazing!” Louis yelled as we all got into the tour bus and I had to admit it, it had been an incredible gig that night.
We had been in America for over three weeks, a few gigs in some cities but what we did the most was interviews and it had been great so far, but I still wanted to go back home.
I threw myself to the booth in the little kitchen the bus had and next to me Harry was sat with his iPhone in his hands, texting and I wanted to see if he was talking to Mila, but that would be very insensitive of him considering the time difference. “Whom are you texting, Hazza?” Liam asked and I thanked him mentally for inquired what I wanted to know.
“Mila,” he replied and we all opened our eyes.
“Shouldn’t she be sleeping right now?” Niall asked checking his watch. It was the reason why he wasn’t calling Alex.
“Should is the key word. But she’s studying for a final and told me that she wasn’t sleeping tonight so I was allowed to text her in order to help her to stay awake,” the curly-haired boy explained. “She says she looks like a zombie and that Moni is mumbling ‘brains, brains’ and she’s getting scared,” he added later laughing. Even I laughed at that, imagining the brunette acting like a zombie just to freak Mila out.
Suddenly I heard the characteristic sound of a camera taking a picture and saw Harry chuckling. “And now she can see how sweaty we are after the gig,” he explained and I wanted to throw something at him. We looked disgusting. “She said we need to take a shower,” he kept informing and I wondered why he was doing that. “And thank Loki she’s not here ‘cos she doesn’t wanna know how bad we smell.” Niall sniffed his armpit and winced.
“Thank Loki,” the blond mumbled before heading to the bathroom leaving a chuckling Liam behind.
Harry stood up without saying anything and soon he came back with his laptop that he opened. “Skype,” was the only thing he said and I just stayed there, next to him watching as he logged onto Skype and called Mila. I didn’t know they talked over Skype, as well.
I couldn’t help that bitterness bubbling in my blood again, jealous of the closeness they had developed even when we were in another country.
Soon her picture changed and I could see her, black bags under her eyes, her hair falling down with almost non-existent curls and a tired smile on her face. “Hi there, Mr Styles,” she said before noticing I was next to Harry. “Oh, Zayn… long time no see, uh? How are you?” Her smile was honest and she didn’t seem like she wanted me out of her video-call with Harry, but maybe that was because she was too tired.
“Not as tired as you, it seems,” I replied and she laughed humourlessly. “You okay?”
“I’ve been studying too much, but I’m almost done. I’ll sleep all this winter break, I swear!”
“Oh no you won’t! You will get rest but we’re gonna do so many other things and you need to be awake for most of them,” Harry interrupted and Mila looked at him raising one eyebrow.
“Most of them? Harry, what do you mean with that?” She questioned and I wanted to know as well.
“You’ll know,” he winked. “Soon we’ll be back and we’re gonna have fun in my house. It’s gonna be your best holidays, I promise.”
“I hope so. I’m really tired.” And I believed her, she really seemed like she could fall asleep any moment and I felt this urge to go there, hug her and lull her until she’d fall asleep and then carry her to her bed and then staying up all night, looking after her. I felt like I needed to protect her even when I knew she could take perfectly care of herself.
“Don’t worry, it’s almost over. You can do it!” Harry supported and I smiled, trying to send her good vibes, too.
“Go Mila!” Liam shouted joining us in the video-call. “You can do it, you can do it,” he chanted and Harry started singing too. At then end, I joined as well and I saw Mila blushing and smiling shyly.
“Thanks,” she said and she looked embarrassed but at the same time so glad and I smiled proud of myself. “You three will be the first to know my grade,” she promised.
“Oi! I’m the one who always knows first your grade!” We heard someone yelling at he back. That had to be Moni. “You’re changing me for hot boys! Not fair! It’s not my fault I was born woman!” And we cracked up laughing at that comment right before Moni appeared on the screen hugging Mila and faking crying. “Why, Mila, why? I thought you loved me the most!”
“Excuse my friend. She acts crazier when she’s sleep-deprived,” Mila said laughing and hugging back the brunette. “Of course I love you the most, Moni. No hot boy could change that.”
Maybe it was silly of me, but I smiled widely when I heard her calling us hot boys. She didn’t tell me that, but it was implicit.
“Oh God, we need this winter break urgently,” Mila commented looking at us on the screen.
“It’s gonna be over soon,” Liam promised. “The term is almost over, you both can do it.”
“And with the end of the term, we are coming back!” Harry exclaimed excitedly. “Don’t miss us too much.”
“I promise nothing,” she added still laughing with Moni still hiding her face in her chest. Maybe she fell asleep.
Whilst watching them on the screen, I just realised of how much I wanted to be back home
“Why do you ask?” I inquired innocently though I knew perfectly what she was talking about.
Moni snorted like a lady never should do and hit me softly in the arm. “First off, we’re officially free!” she almost screamed and I giggled without stopping to look for my phone. “Second off, they are coming back today. You’re gonna see them again! I can’t believe a month has passed,” she rambled making me laugh.
“It’s not a big deal, Moni,” I told her kneeling to look for my phone under the bed. “Can you call me again? Maybe I’ll hear it now.”
“Sure,” she replied calling me with her phone that she never lost. Lucky bastard. “And it is a big deal. You’ve been talking to Harry everyday and with the other lads quite often, too. That curly seem your new BFF and I’m worried he’s stealing you from me! And now we’re gonna spend holidays with them. I’ll have an eye on that boy,” she said threateningly which only made me laugh. Hey, my phone! The damn thing was behind the nightstand.
“Silly, you know that no one will replace you,” I told her but she kept looking at me with her arms folded. “Now let’s go if we expect to get to the airport in time.”
Yes, we were going to receive them at the airport as a surprise. Alex insisted I had to go and she even talked to Moni to help her convince me. Those two were united in this OTP thing. We hung out some days —those few days we had a few hours for ourselves— and more than once both girls started chanting ‘OTP, OTP, OTP’. So Moni now was in Alex’s side but I didn’t understand them, it was clear that Zayn and I were never going to work out for very simple reasons. He was crazy for Alex, not me. Plus, I didn’t like Zayn that way. Although I hoped we could make aside our differences —and by differences I meant his inability to see me— and become friends.
“My OTP will reunite today!” Moni squeaked like a silly fangirl getting over all her speech about me replacing her with Harry. “Let’s go! Hurry up!” And then the brunette practically ran out of my room. I worried about my best friends sometimes, even more when she had drunk so much coffee in one day.
I walked behind her telling myself that the knot in my stomach had nothing to do with the fact that I was seeing Zayn again and that I hadn’t thought of him more than what I thought of the other lads. I talked to him a few times and my heart didn’t leap every time I saw him on the screen or when he smiled at me.
Ugh, who was I trying to fool? I had all those silly reactions when I saw him and I did think of him more than I should. I couldn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat when he smiled at me so genuinely, like he was really glad to see me. I didn’t know why I wanted him to notice me, to see me so badly. I didn’t know why I cared so much. But I did, even if I tried to fool myself about it.
When I got to my car, Moni was already there, plugging in her iPhone. We were meeting with Alex and Belle in the airport. Phebs couldn’t make it because her boyfriend had invited her to meet his parents. Things were going pretty serious there and she told us that she was going to introduce him to all of us very soon. I was really eager to meet him because Phebs could only say wonderful things about him. In fact, I felt like I already knew him.
The lads didn’t know we were going to meet them there. Alex had planned all this with Paul without them noticing it so it was going to be a surprise. I particularly was really enthusiastic about seeing their faces after so many hours in a plane. I wanted to make fun of Harry.
“Yes. Paul just texted me saying they are coming,” the black-haired girl replied putting the phone back in her pocket. “Be ready. Just letting you know, I will jump on Niall and I won’t be sorry for our cheesy moment. Got it? Yes? Perfect.”
I laughed to myself. Who would have thought that someone who always wanted to puke when she saw couples snogging or being all lovey-dovey now would be as cheesy as them? Love certainly changed people, Alex was a big example of that.
I ignored my heart that, for some stupid reason, was beating faster and I focused my attention on the entrance where they should appear. By all I knew, they made a whole fuss so no one would know what time they were arriving to London but probably there were some very dedicate and obsessive fans outside and if they were, we were going to need to hide. At least we were there to be the first ones to say hello.
I heard Alex’s squeak before seeing them walking towards us and then I saw as Niall threw everything to the floor and ran to catch Alex in his arms. I always thought that kind of scene only happened in movies, but I just had been witness of one. I smiled like stupid whilst seeing them having their moment. I knew they had missed each other terribly, Alex wasn’t as happy when Niall was around, but she was strong and never told him how much she needed him with her. She always smiled at him and encouraged him, telling him they were going to see each other soon. She remained strong even for her birthday which she couldn’t spend with Niall.
“Mila?” I heard a slow and deep voice and turned around to see a quite sleepy and surprised Harry looking at me. I smiled brightly and held my laugh at his messy curls.
“Hi there, hipster,” I said and his smile grew bigger as he walked to me to crush my bones in a bear hug. “Can’t breathe!”
“I missed your sarcastic face!” He told me and I just laughed but my eyes were looking over his shoulder and met Zayn who was looking at Niall and Alex. That poor masochist boy, why couldn’t he let it go?
Maybe he felt my gaze or maybe he couldn’t take it any longer, but he turned around and his eyes immediately met mine as if I was calling him. The painful expression disappeared and a smile adorned his features. I smiled too whilst Harry was still crushing my body like a bl**dy anaconda.
“So glad you’re here! Oh, Moni!” Harry said as he saw my friend. They grew on each other as well, with all our video-callings and jokes. The brunette was getting along with all of them pretty well. He let go of me and went to hug my best friend, leaving me there with my aching bones. He was pretty strong for a skinny teenage boy.
“I have my eyes on you, Styles,” my friend threated him but Harry just ignored her and it was her turn to be crushed. I laughed and waited because I saw Liam coming in my way. He was smiling brightly and I just did the same as his arms wrapped around me.
“So good to see you, Mila!” He said hugging me tightly.
“Same here. Welcome back,” I told him hugging him back. “Did you have fun?” He just nodded at my question, his smile as big and cute as usual. I couldn’t stop thinking of a cute little puppy when I saw him smiling like that I just wanted to cry.
“It was great. Hey, isn’t Phebs here?” He asked, his eyes wandering around the airport, looking for the blonde girl.
“She’s at her Lucas’ house, meeting his parents,” I told him and something weird happened, I saw something changing in his expression, like he didn’t approve of what I told him. “You okay, Liam?” I inquired and he just nodded before walking away to greet Belle.
I kept looking at him, trying to figure out what had happened when Louis came to hug me. I didn’t hate the Doncaster boy, but sometimes he annoyed me greatly when he started with the whole Peter Pan complex, so we weren’t as close. Even though, we had our moments sometimes. He was a good partner in crime.
After Louis left me, Zayn was standing in front of me with a sweet and warm smile, like he was really happy to see me but I couldn’t be sure. I was never sure with Zayn. “Hi, Mila. I’m glad you’re here,” he said, but was he? Was he really happy to see me or it was because I was there to distract him from Niall and Alex?
He opened his arms and I stopped thinking about everything and just hugged him. Did it really matter if he was or wasn’t happy to see me? He just came back from a long month in America, away from his family and some friends; the least I could do was to greet him properly. “Welcome back,” I said as his arms surrounded me and pulled me close to his body.
I had to admit it, it felt good, it felt damn good to be in his arms, with my face buried in his chest, his scent surrounding me and it smelled so sublime. My whole body was tingling and I felt this knot in my stomach tensing and tensing. Something was going to break loose inside of me, I knew it but whilst he was hugging me, I couldn’t care less.
For some reason, hugging Zayn felt different from hugging the other lads. I felt completely different when it was Zayn the one holding me close with his face almost hidden in my hair and his soft and warm breath tingling in my ear.
“Lads, we should go now,” a deep voice said and just then I realised Zayn and I were still hugging. I stepped back immediately feeling my cheeks get warmer. I avoided all eyes and just looked at my shoes. I, obviously, also avoided Zayn’s stare on me though I could feel him perfectly. “Girls, you probably should go first so if there are some fans they won’t connect you with the lads,” Paul carried on and I nodded though I didn’t know what the other girls said nor did.
“As tomorrow we’re going to Harry’s, we’ll leave you alone tonight to get some rest and prepare your things for tomorrow’s trip,” Alex informed and I knew she was still next to Niall.
“Oh, but won’t you come to my flat?” And that was Niall. I glanced a few seconds just to see how he was pouting at her. Alex just smiled. “I’ve missed you.”
“Okay, I’ll see you there later,” she replied giving him a light peck before coming to where Moni, Belle and I were standing. “The rest of you, we’ll see you tomorrow.”
I dared to look at Zayn and as I suspected, his eyes were on me, his look so intense that it vied with Harry’s, and the curly-haired boy knew how to stare in someone’s soul. I wanted to know what was going on in his mind in that moment. I wanted to know what Zayn was thinking. Normally I could read people quite easily, and understand them wasn’t hard either, because I was a very empathic person —sometimes too empathic and that gave me load of troubles—, but with Zayn it was getting harder and harder to read him and I didn’t know why.
As we walked ahead I wondered how many things were going to change in these days at Harry’s house and I questioned myself if I was ready for it.
Helloooo..ah it was a long time…but it was worth it.because it’s a long chapter..so how much did you liked it??
As I received some comments about missing backfire so I decided to add some scenes..did you like the whole Louis thing? And the lads in the car?.. aren’t they all so cute and innocent?..aren’t they all so lovable and adorable?..
So tell me how much are you liking Zayn’s and mila’s pair?… aren’t they both crazy hehe?.. they are…
Don’t get mad at Zayn or Mila…Zayn just needs to get away from Alex..he never loved Alex he just feels so..because he thinks that he his not good enough for anyone ..or he would think that a girl would choose someone else over him..but he will realize it soon..
And and and are you excited for he trip to harry’s house?.. is everything gonna change for Zayn and Mila?
Ah many things are going too… it’s gonna be funnnnn ..can’t wait to see your guys comments..
Please comment it motivates me a lot…
And yeah was that part funny when the lads didn’t allow niall to talk to Alex? Haha..I enjoyed a lot writing this chapter ..
Okay I think I should stop hehe..
Well love you all and thank you for commenting..
Misconceptions… Chapter 4
Misconceptions… Chapter 4
Chapter 4 ― Zayn ( POV)
Mila turned around immediately and our eyes met. She smiled a bit but I couldn’t reply, I just felt cold inside, I felt all my muscles tensing due to a sudden rage going through my veins. It seemed like everyone rather be with someone else than me, they always picked someone else over me. Why? Was I so annoying that no one wanted to be next to me? Why did no one pick me over the rest?
– MILA (POV)
It had to be the hangover because it wasn’t normal for me feeling like this. All those emotions that overcame me when Zayn hugged me, or that black and bitter feeling that filled my body when I saw the way he looked at Alex… those feelings weren’t normal. Those feelings weren’t okay. It wasn’t okay that I wanted to tell him to get over her, to move on and stop looking so hopelessly in love with her. It wasn’t okay that I was so pissed for all that.
My mind went to Moni, to that look in her face when she saw Tom Fletcher in pictures with his wife. Yes, she had never met him before but it amazed me the intensity of her feelings for him, how much she could love him without even knowing him in person. She looked at him the same way Zayn looked at Alex, with so much intensity and resignation at the same time. Both knew perfectly that they could do anything for the other person, but that they would never be together, that that other person wasn’t meant for them.
– ZAYN ( POV)
You would think Niall swore while watching a game. I thought that no one could compare to the Irish boy but, man was I wrong! Mila swore like a truck driver in his worst day. But it was fun to watch her so passionate and immerse into something she loved such as football. I liked sports but I never was so excited as I was during that game with Mila next to us. She had so much energy and you just couldn’t help be dragged into so much emotion. I had to admit that I never enjoyed a game that much, until that day. In fact just watching her was quite the experience, even when she was fangirling over a fictional character with Alex.
“Yup. Moni called to tell me she’s gonna pick me up. It’s late.” I couldn’t help feeling disappointed although I knew she had to go and she couldn’t stay there forever. None of us could, well, except for Niall and Dan, but that was another story.
-MILA ( POV)
“Here, take this,” Moni told me handing me the mug with hot, sweet and perfect tea. Oh how she knew me. I was trying to write, and by trying I meant typing three words and deleting five because I was so f**king insecure at writing, and tea always helped me to focus a bit more. I only needed tea, cigarettes and Moni threating at me with objects if I deleted something.
“Of course no! What the f**k are you saying?” I snapped at her glaring daggers in her direction. She just laughed. More.
I was going to take the first bite of my masterpiece, AKA the best sandwich ever, when a wild Harry appeared in the kitchen and ran towards me. First off, how the f**k did he enter my flat? Since when did he have a key? I didn’t remember me giving him one.
However, Harry wasn’t the only one kind of obsessed with me accepting my ‘feeling’ for Mila; Alex was worse. Every time I saw her, she would go on saying that Mila and I should date, that we were perfect for each other and that we were their favourite OTP. At the end we all learnt that OTP meant One True Pairing and Mila and I were above Peeta and Katniss, and Tobias and Tris. Who were those? I couldn’t remember, I just knew they belonged to some books and that Alex loved those couples, so it was a ‘humungous honour’, as she stated, to be her OTP.
CLARIFICATION! When Mila talks about Alex and Niall breaking up, she meant that time in Backfire. After that (during the summer, when classes started) they haven’t broken up. So don’t panic! They are still very much in love.
I finally met Phebs and she was lovely. I immediately loved her and she brought up this sweet side of me. Something similar to what Liam could do to me when we talked or shared a moment. In our way to the airport, I talked a lot to the blonde girl, mainly about my stories and how excited she was. Phebs kept telling me about how I should publish a book, that fan-fiction wasn’t enough for me, that I had the potential to be a published writer and I should start selling books right now. Did you see? Lovely girl.
Something I did notice was my friend playing her cheesy music and watching us, but I decided to ignore her.
“Great!” He exclaimed and I raised my eyebrow. Was he saying that it was great that I didn’t have plans? “Now you can come with us! We’re planning to go to my house for the winter break. You know, a couple of days after we get back from America. Would you like to come? Alex and Phebs are going too. Belle is going to spend holidays with her boyfriend so we’re not friends anymore with her.”
Was it too much asking for someone to like me better? Was it too much wanting to be special for someone? I didn’t think so but it seemed like it was. It always was. I knew I couldn’t have Alex but I wanted someone to look at me like she looked at Niall, or someone to smile at me like Belle smiled at Dan or someone like Phebs whose features used to soften when she thought of Liam. But instead of that, I had someone who could barely stand me and who forced herself to be nice, someone who clearly preferred Harry and Liam over me.
It could be my wounded pride because one of the things I thought the most was why she didn’t like me and what I could do to change that. I didn’t know if I thought of that because I wanted Mila to like me or because I couldn’t stand someone to dislike me. But I wasn’t that vain, I couldn’t be. If I was, then Mila had all the right to hate me. I would hate me too.
“Are you excited?” Moni asked whilst I kept looking for my phone. Seriously, how could I lose it so easily? And I needed my phone; I used it for everything.
“Are you sure they are taking this exit?” Moni asked to Alex who seemed really into something that was happening in her phone.